In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence hall, the CARES Community Safety team appointed a new Security Chief Alpha, 6’3 former-CEO Hugh G. Thruster. Recent survey reports…
Continue Reading »
In the wake of myriad changes to the government and general functioning…
Following his unprecedented loss in the New York City mayoral election, Republican…
Can’t bear the lunchtime chaos? Skip the line and buy a table…
As if the baddies of Barnard College could not suffer enough, early this school year, residents of 620 W. 116th St. found themselves unable to boil their late-night ramen after the gas…
In an update to university policies posted on the Columbia website last week, Public Safety announced the expansion of their QR-code based guest system. Specifically, students will now be granted the ability…
In the good news section for Freshman incels, high school loser Harry Smelton has been popping off the charts at rush events. After a few minor adjustments to his vocabulary, he quickly…
After a disappointing run-Win at the Ferris omelet bar (due to the lack of caviar selection), Hans Rainsford Rockefeller Carnegie IV stopped by Butler Library for a quick study session. Hans usually…
You’ve seen them. I’ve seen them. We’ve all seen them. Hair in sinks, drains, and spread across shower walls (sometimes in the shape of erotic graphics). RAs are tired of it. For…
This morning, the Office of the Secretary has announced that they’ve found Columbia’s next president. The catch: they aren’t born yet. Just hours ago, the Columbia trustees announced that they have been…
Happy Back 2 School Szn! For any freshies seeking advice or anyone who wants to elevate their campus steeze, stay locked in when you read this list. Amazon link is in my…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN: In a move being hailed as a triumph of efficiency, Columbia announced in a press release this morning that its Administrator-to-Student ratio has reached a historic 720:1. According to…
This week, the beloved Red Bull truck is facing competition from a new vehicle: the plusOne bus. On the corner of 114th and Broadway, students can now find a full-size shiny yellow…
So, you get to Barnard from your private high school class of 50 students who all knew each other. You go up to a group of students in NSOP, all fresh and…
With a Social Media Editor, Publisher, and many other similar-sounding roles at The Fed, people often wonder what I do. I like to consider myself a popular loner. I don’t choose what…
