Early Sunday evening, an unidentified Columbia student took to Butler library, aiming to scale the limestone facade a mere 20 hours after watching Alex Honnold free solo one of the tallest skyscrapers…
There I was, sitting in the Butler bathrooms. My safe space: a fecal oasis amidst the chaos of Columbia. Within those walls of solitude, one can find a few elusive moments of…
This morning, Linus Infection BC ‘26, showed up to their 10:10 AM philosophy class with a single tissue shoved into the side pocket of their bag. Having sniffled a couple of times…
Uris Pool will be CLOSED on Sunday, December 7th, from 7 pm to 9:30 pm, due to someone taking a fat shit in the pool. That’s right: one of your dear, dear…
Columbia University Facilities and Operations has announced that Uris Pool will be temporarily converted into an indoor skating rink for the holiday season. “Over the summer and throughout the semester, we kept…
After the Barnard Wellness Spot announced its “Claytastic! Build-A-Vagina” event this Wednesday, the male Columbia community was quick to erupt in outrage. “This is so fucking unfair,” CC sophomore Richard Johnson told…
We all heard the hot news on the street last week. Furnald resident Elmer Edwards had worked up the courage to leave his room and do his laundry when he saw it:…
Anita Calmdown, a high achiever majoring in bio (on the pre-med track, of course) and political science (pre-law—as a back up) is paving a new career path for overworked, anxious students; in…
Hey there, Player! Welcome to Five Nights at Dodge, a survival horror simulation where you must endure five grueling weekdays in Satan’s butthole — Columbia’s Dodge Fitness Center. You play as a…
Rachel Cameron, a Columbia sophomore and EMT for Columbia University Emergency Medical Services (CUEMS), got a call on Thursday night to report to East Campus, 10th floor, to resuscitate an intoxicated patient.…
