Whoopdedangdo, commencement is back on campus. The student body rejoices. Shipman is back to shaking hands and kissing babies. Soon-to-be graduating seniors are tripping over themselves to thank the Columbia administration as…
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After FBI Director Kash Patel was seen in Milan partying with the…
Tags: Claire Shipman/Laura Rosenbury, Alternate Universe – College/University, Forced Proximity, Friends to…
May this year bring you happiness, prosperity, and a relentless desire to…
Renowned physicist and esteemed dinner partygoer Brian Greene is launching a new lecture series this semester concerning the relative nature of time. Greene explained that the lecture series is an “intensive exploration…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN— I want to be clear, I don’t know how to dance. Or at least I didn’t before. I have no rhythm. I have no flexibility—only a yearning to spread…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN — Columbia Dining has announced that, effective immediately, it will aim to exclusively serve raw milk in place of all other liquid dairy products in an effort to comply…
Tags: #enemiestolovers #feddial #tsundere!sundial #delinquent!fed #columbiauniversity #universityau #tsundere #baka #fakenews #mamdani “Another stupid day at this stupid school,” The Columbia Sundial grumbled. It was an early, snowy Monday at Columbia University. As…
In the wake of massive snowfall in New York City, lame duck president Claire Shipman announced that the Task Force on Snow Removal has officially begun its investment in a new type…
“Feeling lonely this Valentine’s Day?” begins the email sent to all Columbia University main campus students this morning. “Feeling hungry?” it continues, building to the climactic release that the monthslong rumors are…
Tensions froze in a standoff on Sunday between campus security and snowmen on the South Fields in front of Butler Library. Around 1:00 PM Sunday, campus security was notified of 6 to…
By Ivy Drinken So you want to start drinking without looking like a total idiot, huh? Never fear, first years (or losers), this guide is for you! When that hot guy at…
In this economy, desperate job applicants are often forced to apply skills to areas they may not have initially expected. Skills in the humanities might be applied to work in a coffeeshop,…
Atmospheric researchers at Columbia’s Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory have recently confirmed that humidity levels at the construction site of Barnard College’s Roy and Diana Vagelos Science Center (also known as the Vag Center,…
Late last week, House Representative Emily Beral of New Jersey submitted a bill that would turn the job of President of the United States into an at-will employment, effectively removing all short…
‘Tis the season of wining and dining. Everyone is concerned about reservations and wait times and doing all the sure-fire things to maximize their Valentine’s Day. No matter who you are, you…
