The Columbia Federalist

March 28, 2023March 28, 2023

Op-Ed: Against the Secularization of Bacchanal

It began with calls to ‘decolonize the core’ and move focus away from the great philosophers of Plato, Aristotle and Virgil. Then, the pristine Mediterranean architecture of Morningside Heights was abandoned in…

Opinion/World

I Lived It: Invading the Children’s Science Center

by Xavier Stiles

March 26, 2023March 26, 2023

They call it “Imagination Station.” I call it a warzone. It was…

Arts and Culture/On Campus/Pop Culture

From Drain to Drama: Meet McBain Mold, the Columbia Alumn Starring in HBO’s The Last of Us

by Matthew Pierson and Olivia Ruble

March 23, 2023March 23, 2023

Earlier this month, Federalist reporters were offered an exclusive opportunity to sit…

Breaking News/New York City/On Campus/PrezBo

Bollinger Appoints Bollinger as Lee C. Bollinger Director of Public Safety

by Devin Leslie

February 28, 2023February 28, 2023

Dear fellow members of the Columbia community: I write to announce that…

Breaking News/On Campus/Science and Technology

BREAKING: CDC Identifies New Disease Called ‘Sorority Ear’

by Su Ertekin-Taner

February 26, 2023February 19, 2023

Following the finalizations of sorority recruitment this week, the CDC has announced a new, dangerous illness pertinent to the sorority community, those adjacent to the sorority community, and those who have been…

Breaking News/On Campus

Columbia Announces New Protein-Focused Dining Hall, Chef Kyle’s

by Molly Bynum

February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Lovers of Mike and Don, rejoice! A new chef is joining Columbia Dining’s coveted rank of “I have my own dining hall that makes one specific type of food exclusively and does…

On Campus/Opinion/World

I Lived It: My Father Introduced Me as ‘My Son Who Goes to Columbia’

by Fenway Donegan

February 14, 2023February 12, 2023

Well, it finally happened. After completing three semesters at Columbia University in the City of New York, NY, I finally returned home to see friends and family. My father told me that…

Advice/Arts and Culture

How to Pretend Like You’re Doing Fine This Valentine’s Day

by Max Monical

February 14, 2023February 12, 2023

I wrote this generic headline to distract the Feditors, but I need to get this message out: I’m being held hostage by the Columbia Federalist. I was undercover in the Fed for…

Barnard/Breaking News/On Campus

BREAKING: ‘The College’ Now Exclusively Refers to Barnard

by Molly Durawa

February 14, 2023February 12, 2023

Barnard College is now the only undergraduate college allowed to be referred to as “The College,” according to an official University press release. The announcement follows decades of Barnard students rolling their…

Breaking News/On Campus

Hillary Clinton Tapped to Teach Design Course Called ‘Pantsuit Slaying’

by Molly Bynum

February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Regardless of opinions surrounding the political standing and history of the former Secretary of State, everyone would agree that Hillary Clinton’s sense of style knows no ideological bounds. That’s why Columbia’s newest…

On Campus/Opinion

Dear Fed: I’m in Love With the Thinker

by Oliver Green

February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Dear Fed, I think I might be in love with the Thinker. Hear me out. I was walking out of my Metaphysical Erotics in Aristotelean Constructs class one day when I was…

On Campus

I Lived It: Hydroflask Dropped in Class, Death Threats Followed

by Su Ertekin-Taner

February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Picture this: You arrive in a brand-spanking-new classroom ready to start the semester. You’ve got a brand-spanking-new professor, a new set of ballpoint pens, a new notebook, and also… a new water…

On Campus

Top 5 Campus Power Couples

by Sylvi Stein

February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

As Valentine’s Day approaches, the Fed has been scouting out the hottest relationship rumors on campus. Here’s the juiciest gossip about the cutest celeb couples between 114th and 120th:…

Breaking News/Featured/World

Mental Health Win: My Dog is Off His Antidepressants and Doing Great

by Lauren Unterberger

February 14, 2023February 13, 2023

Warning: this is the kind of news the MAN doesn’t want you to read. It’s objectively good news that’s gonna put you in a great mood! My dog is doing really well,…

Arts and Culture/Music/On Campus/Pop Culture/PrezBo

Dear Bacchanal

by Dani Rivera

February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

dear bacchanal, pls bring “ice spice” to campus this year. i like listening to her songs in my audi. – prezbo <3…

Breaking News/On Campus

‘But My Emails!’ Professor Clinton Speaks out After Failing Duo Two-Factor Authentication

by Ava Young-Stoner and Ilan Cohen

February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Rumors began circulating on Tuesday afternoon that former Secretary of State and recently-appointed SIPA professor Hillary Rodham Clinton has been unable to access her Columbia email. The former secretary confirmed these rumors…

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