The Columbia Federalist

by Izzy Szyfer

December 1, 2022December 1, 2022

On Campus

Op-Ed: Wrap the Trees in Seasonal Depression Lamps so I Can Finally Feel Something

Listen here, Columbia. These puny little Christmas string lights ain’t cutting it. When you say you’re lighting the trees, I expect them to be awash with light. Dazzlingly bright, some may even…

On Campus

CPS Now Accepting Spotify Wrapped Instead of Consultation Appointment

by Sylvi Stein

December 1, 2022December 1, 2022

As the end of the year draws nearer and everyone is posting…

Arts and Culture/Music

Dear Spotify: Please Remove “Uptown Munk” by Alvin and the Chipmunks From My Wrapped

by Oliver Green

November 30, 2022November 30, 2022

Dear Spotify Wrapped, Look, we all have our phases. Sure, it’s a…

New York City/On Campus/Science and Technology

What Is the Largest Animal You Would Kill if the Federalist Told You It Was Invasive?

by Julian Gerber

November 28, 2022November 28, 2022

The spotted lanternfly has been public enemy number one for Columbia students…

New York City

My Chair Squeaked in Ref and I Had to Flee in Shame

by Zoe Davidson

November 24, 2022November 24, 2022

It was a Monday night in late October. I had an Art Hum paper due the next day, so I went to Ref for a few hours to crank out the final…

On Campus

In Response to CPS Unavailability, Lucy from Charlie Brown Opens Psychiatric Help Stand in Quad

by Molly Bynum

November 22, 2022November 22, 2022

Great news for the hordes of students who have been outsourced to a third party therapist by Columbia Psychological Services: a cartoon character is here to offer better resources than your $80k/year…

Breaking News/On Campus

New Courses to Be Added for Spring 2023

by Lila Muscosky

November 20, 2022November 20, 2022

Happy registration week and congratulations on not getting into any of your courses! This morning, Columbia announced new classes to be added to the course catalog in an attempt to allow more…

Advice/New York City

A New Yorker’s Guide to the Subway

by Lila Muscosky

November 20, 2022November 20, 2022

If you think you have the subway figured out by now, you probably don’t. Spoiler alert: there is more to it than the 1 train. I grew up in New York (yes,…

On Campus/Science and Technology

Duo Upgrades to Trio, Will Require Blood Sacrifice for Authentication

by Molly Bynum

November 17, 2022November 17, 2022

In a move that once again proves how much student feedback matters to University administration, Duo, the infamous authentication app, has been modified into Trio. Now, instead of Duo’s two factor-authentication, Trio…

Arts and Culture/On Campus/Politics

Columbia’s Uncircumsized Men’s Society Lobbying for More On-Campus Representation

by Grace Weinswig

November 15, 2022November 15, 2022

Columbia’s Uncircumsized Men’s Society (CUMS) has come out this week with an open letter to the Columbia community calling out the university on “decades of marginalization.” CUMS is demanding more architectural representation…

Arts and Culture

TV Networks Release New Fall TV Lineup

by Mollie Schmidtberger and Lauren Unterberger

November 6, 2022November 6, 2022

In a world consumed by streaming platforms, major television networks are willing to try anything to get you out of your Netflix, Disney+, and Dropout subscriptions and into the jaws of a…

On Campus

Columbia Announces That Midterms Will Begin During NSOP Next Year

by James Coppersmith

November 3, 2022November 3, 2022

This morning, Columbia announced that the majority of its classes will be giving students a midterm during NSOP. When asked how freshmen would even know which ones to take since they wouldn’t…

On Campus/PrezBo/Style

Columbia Dresses as MIT for Halloween in Attempt to Regain Number Two Ranking

by Molly Durawa, Ana Pekec, Aruna Das and Nola Gallo

November 1, 2022November 3, 2022

Morningside Heights residents were surprised to see Columbia’s typically picturesque campus transformed into an MIT-themed dystopia. The entire university, including the students and buildings, has put on a ‘costume’ modeled after the…

Advice/Arts and Culture/On Campus/Style

Top 10 Couples Costumes for Halloween 2022 (School Spirit Edition)

by Lila Muscosky

October 30, 2022October 30, 2022

Beilock and Keggy the Keg The Columbia Registrar and Barry Kane U.S. News and #18 Chef Mike and the Very Berry Fruit Salad Prezbo and Mary Boyce 600 and a rat The…

Barnard/On Campus

Barnard Fitness Center Renovations to Replace all Work-Out Machines with Coke Freestyles

by Lauren Unterberger

October 27, 2022October 27, 2022

Barnard and Columbia students alike were disappointed to hear that the only gym available for use in the fall semester is the sweaty, subterranean hidey-hole of Dodge, due to renovations to the…

Advice/Arts and Culture/On Campus

How to Get Into Every A Capella Group on Campus to Become the Pitch Perfect Thanos of Morningside Heights

by Lauren Unterberger

October 25, 2022October 25, 2022

I’m sorry for the clickbait, Jerry, but this is an intervention. Your passion for beatboxing is tearing this family apart. I hear your “oooooooooo”s at night—in our bed, in the home that…

1 2 3 … 72 Next