The Columbia Federalist

by Sasha Maroulis

October 10, 2024October 10, 2024

Articles/Featured/Pop Culture/Science and Technology

Kid Sitting in Front of You in Your Lecture Sucks Ass at Connections

No seriously: he just sits there, randomly guesses four things, and somehow manages to be one away. Then he uses all his guesses, gets nothing right, opens an incognito tab, and does…

Continue Reading »

Articles/Breaking/Minouche Shafik/On Campus/PrezBo

Columbia Ranked #1 School in Presidential Turnover Rates

by Bayan Shimizu

October 8, 2024October 8, 2024

A new USNews report released on Sunday revealed Columbia’s rise in USNews’…

Articles/On Campus/Politics

Report: One of These Little Freaks is Next Obama

by Beau Gantz

October 6, 2024October 6, 2024

A staggering new study has confirmed a long-standing concern in the Columbia…

Articles/Books/Pop Culture

REPORT: It Really is That Damn Phone

by Inica Kotasthane

October 3, 2024October 3, 2024

The Atlantic recently published an article titled “The Elite College Students Who…

Articles/Breaking/Featured/On Campus/Science and Technology

“I Literally Can’t Read or Write”: President Armstrong Announces Resignation After AI Detected in Her Email

by Oliver Green

October 1, 2024October 1, 2024

Well, that was fast. Columbia’s interim president, Katrina Armstrong, has resigned after barely more than a month on the job. An independent review of communications to the student body from Columbia administrators…

Articles/Barnard/New York City

80% of Barnard Transfers Didn’t Get On-Campus Housing — Here’s Where Some of Them Are Staying!

by Kimberly Wing

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

Despite promising a warm welcome for new transfer students to Barnard College’s tight-knit community, Residential Life & Housing rejected and waitlisted nearly all housing applications from transfers. By August, only 30 out…

Articles/Featured/New York City/On Campus

Swim Test Moved to Hudson River

by Federalist Staff

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

The Hudson River: home to fish, party cruises, sewage, chemical contamination, and, now, the Columbia College swim test. In a recent change by Columbia administrators, students graduating in 2028 and later will…

Articles/Barnard/On Campus/Science and Technology

An Ode to My Woozoo

by Jay S.

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

Oh Woozoo, Your blessed blades breathe air within my Brooks dorm room Your swiveling head surveys atop the shoebox, sustaining a subtle breeze that whispers a coo I know it is not…

Articles/Arts and Culture/Music/Opinion/Pop Culture

I Didn’t Have a Brat Summer. I Was Too Busy Having a Job.

by Izzy Szyfer and Dani Winkler

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

Oh, you were at Brooklyn Mirage (pre-serial killer, obvs) bouncing around in a white tank with no bra on? That’s cool. I was trying to catch the B up to Times Square/42nd…

Advice/Articles/Opinion

Revenge Era? My roommate used all of my tampons so now I am buying the kind with extra arsenic

by Olivia Ruble

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

An individual’s relationship with their roommate is an intimate and ancient bond, one that requires constant communication and careful maintenance. Or at least, I thought so. When my roommate and I used…

Articles/On Campus/Science and Technology

Registrar’s Office Replaces Outdated Registration System with Something More “Merit Based”

by L.T. Enziloch

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

Twenty-five years after the last major update of SSOL in 2001 following the .com bubble burst and the concurrent cheapening of software engineer labor, the Registrar’s Office has announced plans to reformat…

Advice/Articles/On Campus

Freshman Advice: Top 3 Hot Spots to do your Zoom Therapy

by Federalist Staff

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

Wondering where you’re going to spend those 50 blissful minutes of venting, sweating, shivering, and giggling you enjoy each week in therapy? Don’t worry, research shows that these 3 spots on campus…

Articles/Food and Drink/On Campus

Chef Don Tears Up as Someone Swipes In For First Time Since Spring 2024

by Oliver Green

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

“Another boring day in the kitchen,” Chef Don mumbled to himself as he opened the door to the dining hall. Life is so mundane these days, he thought, and he began to…

Articles/Music/Pop Culture

How Diet Pepsi by Addison Rae Literally Saved My Life

by Dani Winkler

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

It was 6:30 p.m. The air was hot, damp, and buzzing with mosquitoes. I had just clocked out of my summer job as a cart girl at a neighborhood golf course. My…

Articles/Food and Drink/On Campus

Every Meal at Ferris Now Requires a 2 Hour Discussion Section

by Beau Gantz

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

Columbia Dining recently announced that, effective immediately, any student who purchases a meal at Ferris Booth Commons must also enroll in a weekly discussion section. “We recognize that content is understood more…

Articles/Breaking/On Campus

Troubling Teen Trend: Freshmen Never Learned How To Fucking Walk

by Beau Gantz

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024

A new craze is sweeping America’s campuses, concerning both parents and upperclassmen alike: apparently these freshmen never learned how to fucking walk. The phenomenon has been something of a spectacle on Columbia’s…

1 2 3 … 92 Next