In a college-wide email yesterday, Barnard officials announced that they had completed an independent legal review of the Epstein files, concluding that there is no evidence of a relationship between Jeffrey Epstein and any Barnard College affiliates. Students reacted to this email with confusion and doubt, as many had read emails firsthand suggesting communication between Epstein and multiple Barnard trustees.
Responding to the student body’s confusion, the administration quickly sent a follow-up email to clear everything up. “We repeat, no Barnard affiliates had relationships with Jeffrey Epstein,” the email began. “However, many Barnard affiliates were in what I think the kids today might call a ‘situationship’ with Mr. Epstein.”
The email went on to explain the nature of these interactions in more detail, stating that most Barnard administrators were simply stuck in the talking stage and had been too worried about making things awkward and ruining the friendship to take that next step. A handful of administrators had made it past this phase, but were focused on keeping it “casual” with Epstein: they hadn’t told their friends, but they were always down to hop on that crosstown bus for a “late-night booty call.” Although a few trustees had “tried to make things official” with the child sex trafficker, the email insisted that these attempts had been unsuccessful, and that their interactions with Epstein had been limited to the occasional secretive dinner or island vacation.
The email triumphantly concluded that, “while most Barnard administrators had a deep yearning for Jeffrey Epstein and dreamed that one day he would make his feelings clear, there is no evidence that any Barnard affiliates managed to establish a formal relationship with Epstein.” The email also added that affiliates would prefer students not ask them about their past situationships with the convicted sex offender: “It’s kinda not nice, and it just takes them back to a really awkward time. You kids get it.”
