Dearest Illustrious Professoress Tal Malkin, When I was a child, my mom (who is closely affiliated with the trustees of Columbia University and recently named as most generous donor for her monetary…
To anyone who will listen: please attend to my tale of woe! This morning, my application to be a summer intern in my own (upper-middle-class) home was rejected. I’d gotten desperate following…
Now that I’m graduating, I’m realizing I’ll no longer be able to use many of my unfinished article-less headlines in my Google Drive. So, although they went unused for a reason, in…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN— I want to be clear, I don’t know how to dance. Or at least I didn’t before. I have no rhythm. I have no flexibility—only a yearning to spread…
By Ivy Drinken So you want to start drinking without looking like a total idiot, huh? Never fear, first years (or losers), this guide is for you! When that hot guy at…
‘Tis the season of wining and dining. Everyone is concerned about reservations and wait times and doing all the sure-fire things to maximize their Valentine’s Day. No matter who you are, you…
Happy Holidays! This is Santa, sending out a mass dispatch to all your little munchkins — naughty and nice — around the globe. We at the North Pole get a lot of…
