Barnard Facilities has received an especially haunting maintenance request this Halloween season: cleansing a suite of an evil spirit.
Beginning in early September, four Barnard suitemates in Suite 11A began to notice the kitchen trash overflowing every other week. Weirdly enough, this would only occur when one resident, Marie Simmons, was on trash duty.
The Federalist spoke to Simmons about her experience. “I take the trash out to the basement in the morning whenever it’s my turn, but when I get back from class, the bag is always back in the kitchen, unemptied, like I never touched it,” she explained. Simmons, who previously said that she prefers “neat, clean rooms” on the roommate questionnaire, has fully accepted this new spectral suitemate with its quirks. “It’s honestly not a big deal. Sometimes it happens with my dishes, too: all my used dishes keep being uncleaned and moved back to the sink for, like, a week.” Simmons recalled facing questions from her roommates about the plausibility of this story, to which she responded with indignation, asking, “God, what’s wrong with you?” and “You guys know I have anxiety.”
Suite 11A, along with Barnard Facilities and The Federalist, held a special Ouija session late last Wednesday to speak and reason with the spirit. When asked if the spirit was responsible for moving trash and dishes back to their original, uncleaned locations, the planchette landed on “Yes”, though, notably, Simmons’ fingertips turned white with pressure as the planchette flew towards an answer. Following this affirmative answer, the suite then asked if the spirit would also like to be added to the chore rotation chart, to which the spirit responded with “No” and “You guys know I have anxiety.”
Following the conclusion of the session, Simmons seemed relieved. “It seems like the spirit won’t be leaving anytime soon. Unfortunately, if it’s the same spirit I also had last year in my previous suite, the spirit also tends to smoke weed inside with the windows closed.” The other suitemates declined to comment.
