Well, that was fast. Columbia’s interim president, Katrina Armstrong, has resigned after barely more than a month on the job. An independent review of communications to the student body from Columbia administrators…
“I Literally Can’t Read or Write”: President Armstrong Announces Resignation After AI Detected in Her Email
Well, that was fast. Columbia’s interim president, Katrina Armstrong, has resigned after barely more than a month on the job. An independent review of communications to the student body from Columbia administrators…
“Another boring day in the kitchen,” Chef Don mumbled to himself as he opened the door to the dining hall. Life is so mundane these days, he thought, and he began to…
FRESHMAN REGRET: I Made My Columbia ID Photo a “Silly One” and Now I Can’t Enter Campus Without Sticking My Tongue Out
Oh how I wish I could go back to the day when I clicked that little “Upload Photo” box on SSOL. It seemed so innocent, just begging me to have some fun…
“They Got Joe, but They Won’t Get Me,” 114-Year-Old Roar-ee Insists He is Still Fit to Serve Despite Concerns About His Age
After the historic announcement that President Biden will not seek reelection after months of concern regarding his mental state, Democratic Party members shifted to their next elderly target: Columbia’s 114-year-old lion mascot…
I LIVED IT: I Remembered to Wear Green on St. Patrick’s Day and No One Was Impressed
Sometimes, at school, it feels like I’m constantly falling behind. I forget to turn in assignments, sleep through my classes, and pull constant all-nighters to barely scrape by on my endless midterms.…
Surprise! Columbia Introduces the “Leap Semester”: an Extra Week of Classes Once Every Four Years
BREAKING–In an innovative and exciting move, Columbia announced that in accordance with the leap year, Columbia has decided to make this semester a “Leap Semester.” The university will be adding a week…
Help! I Really Want to Call My Teacher a “Sadistic Maniac Who Deserves to Burn in Hell” in My CULPA Review But I Don’t Want to be on the Naughty List
Dear Fed, Every year when winter break rolls around, I always get excited that the best time of year has finally arrived: writing CULPA reviews. After all the suffering I’ve gone through…
Tired of shivering under a single layer of fancy clothes while your group tries their best to turn painful, chattering grimaces into smiles? Well worry not, my friend, because this year, College…
As the semester has entered its waning days, the Columbia administration has announced a bold new policy that will condense finals week into a “finals day.” The statement read as follows: “It…