After trick-or-treating wrapped up this October 31, kids across the country gathered around and dumped their pillow cases out on the carpet, eager to sort through their candies and take stock of their plunder. Trading naturally ensued, with children swapping Twix for Snickers, KitKats for M&Ms. The market leaned away from the red-40 craze of the past decade, as children this year generally placed higher values on more caramel-forward choices. However, our reports indicate that not a single kid in the country managed to trade away their Butterfinger.
It appears that, for the hundredth year in a row, Butterfingers have the consensus lowest value on the Halloween candy trade market. It seems that their chalky, yet somehow also sticky inner texture continues to be unsatisfying to the young taste. Millions of pleas and exhortions from children around the US to “please trade with me” proved ineffective, as kids’ luckier friends held firm that: “there’s literally no way I’m giving you a Milky Way for that garbage.”
Many children who were so unfortunate as to end up with multiple Butterfingers made the savvy decision to try to package multiple Butterfingers together to increase their market value. However, attempts to trade these again proved ineffective, as stingy friends across the nation universally replied, “Now you’re just giving me more trash to throw out.”
We at The Fed hope that these incredibly unfortunate children have better luck trick-or-treating next year. Luckily, our census does point to another possible use for inedible, stale Butterfingers: throwing them really hard at your friend who wouldn’t trade with you.
