Econ-cardio atrophius: Nearly all of Columbia’s econ majors suffer from this devastating condition wherein the act of consistently subordinating the needs of society to personal wealth causes the heart to atrophy. Common…
I’m not quite sure how to put this tastefully. I tried to end things amicably, but you crossed the line. Boundaries are put in place for a reason, and because of that,…
After pleading with Eric for insight on his difficult courseload, he gave in, emphasizing his charitability in “advising plebeians.” With vigor in his eyes, he revealed, “I haven’t slept in three days,…
Common symptoms are living vicariously through Instagram posts, touch deprivation, lucid dreaming about a life without your blue light glasses, and crying. If you find yourself experiencing these, please reach out to…
5. Bear GryllsPros: Very knowledgeable about surviving in uninhabitable environments, very applicable to NYCCons: Bold, but not beautiful…
Bezos summoned another worker to kiss his booboo better, and after the worker soothed his ankle with sana sana culita de rana, Bezos was ready to continue the next few steps to…
Cornell - To no one’s surprise, Cornell’s place in the tree-fuck club is a little bit . . . artificial. You know those pine-shaped air fresheners? Yeah . .…
“Fuck, man. My lactose intolerance is who I am. I don’t know what I am without it. What am I gonna use as an ice-breaker? What am I gonna use as one…
Columbia Student Life announces new awards to encourage phone sex in promotion of the health compact
In a bid to encourage safe and healthy interactions on campus, Columbia is rolling out a new program under the #KeepTheCompact umbrella that will promote covid-19 secure intercourse, called #KinkyForTheCommunity.…
