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Mollie Schmidtberger

Mollie Schmidtberger is a Head Subs Editor at The Fed. She was previously Head Copy Editor before she got bored of grammar. She likes sleeping, showing up to e-board meetings late, and generally causing problems on purpose. She studies English and creative writing at Columbia College in the class of 2024.

Arts and Culture

TV Networks Release New Fall TV Lineup

by Mollie Schmidtberger and Lauren Unterberger
November 6, 2022November 6, 2022

In a world consumed by streaming platforms, major television networks are willing to try anything to get you out of your Netflix, Disney+, and Dropout subscriptions and into the jaws of a…

On Campus/PrezBo

A List of Every Cuss We Know to See if The Federalist Will Print It

by Lauren Unterberger, Matilda Darragh-Ford and Mollie Schmidtberger
September 8, 2022September 8, 2022

Ass Asshole Bastard Bitch Bollocks Cock Damn Dick Fuck Hell Shit Wanker Oh shit, they really did it. They really published all those words. This is the First Amendment in action.  Love,…

On Campus

Columbia Spectator Schisms into Spec and Alt-Spec Following Mask Op-Ed Debacle

by Lauren Unterberger, Mollie Schmidtberger and Matilda Darragh-Ford
April 1, 2022March 31, 2022

In the face of the sensationalist anti-mask controversy, the Arts & Culture section of the Columbia Daily Spectator has succeeded and named themselves Alt-Spec, a newer, cooler Spec. Attempting to model their…

Advice/World

The Federalist’s Guide to Surviving No-Nut November

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
December 1, 2021September 14, 2022

Cut your dick off CUT YOUR DICK OFF CUT YOUR DICK OFF CUT YOUR DICK OFF CUT YOUR DICK OFF Go to church Thanksgiving Issue, November 2021…

Opinion

Op-Ed: Tie Me up like a Parade Float and Have 40 People Hold Me Down

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Mollie Schmidtberger and Lauren Unterberger
November 25, 2021December 12, 2021

Sorry Prezbo, but I’m Prezhoe. I’m 8,500 cubic feet of powerful sexual energy, a big Barnard Baddie. I’m an inflatable Snoopy balloon looking for my Red Baron. Show up at 5:00 am…

World

PETA Not Mad about Turkeys This Year

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
November 22, 2021December 12, 2021

After many years of advocating for animal rights, PETA has apparently “given up.” The organization posted on all of their social media accounts “Go nuts,” accompanied by a graphic of a cartoon…

Style

Hottest Group Costumes for Halloween 2021

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
October 31, 2021November 15, 2021

Common Allergens When you walk into the club, all eyes will be on you. And those eyes will be watery as fuck. Splash some pet dander and dust mites on a cute…

Advice/Style

List of Couples Costumes You Can Do By Yourself

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
October 31, 2021September 14, 2022

Fork and Spoon = Spork  Yellow and blue crayon = green crayon  Cord and socket = dongle Two halves of an Avocado = whole Avocado  Salt and pepper = Everything-but-the-Bagel seasoning  Bride…

On Campus

I Can’t Break up with SUNY Geneseo

by Mollie Schmidtberger
February 14, 2021November 22, 2021

I’m not quite sure how to put this tastefully. I tried to end things amicably, but you crossed the line. Boundaries are put in place for a reason, and because of that,…

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