As the surge of indeed visits, coffee chats, and interviews comes to a close, the clear signs on campus are here: the cherry blossoms have sprung, and with them come the next…
At first glance, Billy Multitasker appears to be a machine, a man on a mission. He’s got an eight-monitor set-up in Butler and shushed the stupid beta cuckold asking around the library…
Following the news of the involvement of several prominent Columbia professors in the Epstein files, CULPA has announced a new feature: professors’ profiles will now show the “broken heart emoji” to indicate…
Renowned physicist and esteemed dinner partygoer Brian Greene is launching a new lecture series this semester concerning the relative nature of time. Greene explained that the lecture series is an “intensive exploration…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN — In a triumphant display of engineering ethics, a new poll conducted at SEAS has shown that 0% of students who have interned at defense contractors even considered that…
Like most Columbia students, this winter break, I returned home to the sunny land of Los Angeles and immediately entered a state of academic witness protection. My laptop and I did not…
Atmospheric researchers at Columbia’s Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory have recently confirmed that humidity levels at the construction site of Barnard College’s Roy and Diana Vagelos Science Center (also known as the Vag Center,…
In the wake of massive snowfall in New York City, lame duck president Claire Shipman announced that the Task Force on Snow Removal has officially begun its investment in a new type…
Like all good Columbia College seniors, I walked into Dodge Fitness Center the other day to complete my swim test, donned my finest (and tiniest) swim trunks, and hoped to harness the…
With a Social Media Editor, Publisher, and many other similar-sounding roles at The Fed, people often wonder what I do. I like to consider myself a popular loner. I don’t choose what…
