Welcome back to campus! Now that you have settled in, it’s time to do what you came to Columbia for: find the econ bro of your dreams. How would you describe your…
Cruz, a notable Zodiac Killer impersonator who is a little too good at his job, told Federalist reporters he had a really really good reason for his vacation. (Our reporters would have…
Columbia Student Life announces new awards to encourage phone sex in promotion of the health compact
In a bid to encourage safe and healthy interactions on campus, Columbia is rolling out a new program under the #KeepTheCompact umbrella that will promote covid-19 secure intercourse, called #KinkyForTheCommunity.…
The singer wrote, “I’m in the studio working on something special after today’s assault on democracy.” As this terrorist schemes up “something special,” D.C. residents are preparing for the worst.…
Disclaimer: The Federalist is in no way promoting trespassing or the defacement of posters advertising an absolutely awful president. We are merely showing our readers (who will do this with or without…
Last year, I had a particularly unfortunate Tinder hook-up experience which lasted roughly 30 seconds. The offending gentleman in question was completely unabashed, however, at his brief performance. Upon seeing my disappointment,…
PrezBo told the Fed: “I was eager to find out how Trump managed to pay only $750 in taxes in 2016. I’m still paying closer to $1,000 in income tax -- I…
Band, this one can’t be bandaged: there’s been a bunch of banter recently ‘bout your banditry and abuse. It’s got me thinking, should the once-banned band be banned yet again and banished…
Ben and Jerry, wherever you are, I am requesting a threesome. Get your humanitarian asses out of Vermont and to my apartment PRONTO.…
One thing led to another, and my night, I am sorry to say, ended in the basement of Mudd.…