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Lauren Unterberger

On Campus

Columbia Spectator Schisms into Spec and Alt-Spec Following Mask Op-Ed Debacle

by Lauren Unterberger, Mollie Schmidtberger and Matilda Darragh-Ford
April 1, 2022March 31, 2022

In the face of the sensationalist anti-mask controversy, the Arts & Culture section of the Columbia Daily Spectator has succeeded and named themselves Alt-Spec, a newer, cooler Spec. Attempting to model their…

On Campus

Mom Says it’s My Turn on the Lerner Turnstile

by Lauren Unterberger
January 17, 2022January 17, 2022

Hey older bro, It looks like you and your friends have been having a lot of fun swiping your cards and then walking through the turnstiles and then coming back and swiping…

World

FED EXCLUSIVE: Al Gore Apologizes for Inventing Global Warming, but Won’t Turn it Off

by Lauren Unterberger
January 1, 2022January 1, 2022

With warmer winters around the corner and oceans rising, governments and organizations are concerned about what Global Warming means for the future of humanity as we know it. In an exclusive interview…

World

The Federalist’s Guide to Surviving No-Nut November

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
December 1, 2021December 12, 2021

Cut your dick off CUT YOUR DICK OFF CUT YOUR DICK OFF CUT YOUR DICK OFF CUT YOUR DICK OFF Go to church Thanksgiving Issue, November 2021…

Opinion

Op-Ed: Tie Me up like a Parade Float and Have 40 People Hold Me Down

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Mollie Schmidtberger and Lauren Unterberger
November 25, 2021December 12, 2021

Sorry Prezbo, but I’m Prezhoe. I’m 8,500 cubic feet of powerful sexual energy, a big Barnard Baddie. I’m an inflatable Snoopy balloon looking for my Red Baron. Show up at 5:00 am…

World

PETA Not Mad about Turkeys This Year

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
November 22, 2021December 12, 2021

After many years of advocating for animal rights, PETA has apparently “given up.” The organization posted on all of their social media accounts “Go nuts,” accompanied by a graphic of a cartoon…

Style

Hottest Group Costumes for Halloween 2021

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
October 31, 2021November 15, 2021

Common Allergens When you walk into the club, all eyes will be on you. And those eyes will be watery as fuck. Splash some pet dander and dust mites on a cute…

Style

List of Couples Costumes You Can Do By Yourself

by Matilda Darragh-Ford, Lauren Unterberger and Mollie Schmidtberger
October 31, 2021November 15, 2021

Fork and Spoon = Spork  Yellow and blue crayon = green crayon  Cord and socket = dongle Two halves of an Avocado = whole Avocado  Salt and pepper = Everything-but-the-Bagel seasoning  Bride…

Science and Technology

New Study Finds That 75% of Lactose Intolerant Individuals Are Just Nervous

by Lauren Unterberger
January 30, 2021August 16, 2021

“Fuck, man. My lactose intolerance is who I am. I don’t know what I am without it. What am I gonna use as an ice-breaker? What am I gonna use as one…

On Campus

Barnard Student with Imposter Syndrome Realizes She’s Two Raccoons in a Trench Coat

by Lauren Unterberger
October 20, 2020September 8, 2021

“At first I thought it was odd that she’d go to John Jay to eat, when the food’s much better on this side of Broadway,” said Margo’s roommate, Prudence Yao, BC‘22. “But…

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