In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence hall, the CARES Community Safety team appointed a new Security Chief Alpha, 6’3 former-CEO Hugh G. Thruster. Recent survey reports…
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In the wake of myriad changes to the government and general functioning…
Following his unprecedented loss in the New York City mayoral election, Republican…
Can’t bear the lunchtime chaos? Skip the line and buy a table…
Love is in the air! The Fed wants to help you score a public makeout sesh worthy of making every unlucky student in a .2 mile radius retch, so we’ve created a…
After its incredible success in Cafe East, Santander has decided to open a new banking location in the fourth floor bathrooms of McBain Hall. Sandra Burke, spokesperson for Santander, told the Federalist,…
Okay, breathe. Be cool. That one cute Barnard girl from Intro Java suggested that “we should grab lunch sometime” and now she actually means it. You’ve been waiting for this. But… oh…
In a shocking report, the Fed found that all 30,135 members of Columbia’s student body are still unsure of what they should hate about Nemat “Minouche” Shafik, the incoming president of their…
When I talked to my Columbia-approved therapist about my seasonal depression, I was expecting to get some sort of validation, information, medication, or even sedation—instead, nothing. No “Well……….. what do you think…
As we say farewell to Lee Bollinger’s legendary 20-year tenure as Columbia’s president, the Federalist is reminiscing on some of Prezbo’s best insights: On freshmen getting lost on the 1 train during…
With these five easy steps, you should be well on your way to stepping on your friends to scale the corporate ladder. You go, future CEO!…
Earlier this morning, Columbia Housing sent out yet another reminder to undergraduate students about housing registration. “JUST IN CASE YOU’VE BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK,” the email began, “THIS IS A HEADS…
Last year, Chef Mike put my (maternal) grandma into his “Grandma Special” sub sandwich. So when Chef Don opened his pizza joint in Mudd, I started to get a little nervous. Surely…
For the Romantic: John Jay Spaghetti Move over 1:00 PM Sunday breakfast—this John Jay staple can be enjoyed at dinner too. Recreate the classic Lady and the Tramp scene with a damp…
If you love a slutty little runny nose and sultry wet cough, I have just the place for you: New York’s hottest club is the Columbia Health Clinic. Located on the most…
This morning, one incredibly brave female Columbian made a shocking assertion when she discovered that one girl in her lecture was actually a Barnard student. “Oh, you go to Barnard? You’re so…
