“But babe, it happens to the best of us. Just look at the trees,” said Jacob Simmons, CC ’23, to his girlfriend Carly Biels, CC ’23. This year’s tree lighting, which took…
The spotted lanternfly has been public enemy number one for Columbia students ever since multiple state governments put a hit out on it. Dozens of lanternfly corpses now litter the streets in…
Carman Hall, the infamous “party” dorm for Columbia first-years, is seeing a major shake-up after the Charmin Ultra Soft family donated 50,000 toilet paper rolls to the university. Shayna Mikowski, a spokesperson…
Barnard’s guest policy has reached draconian heights with the requirement that the “penis fountains” that adorn Low steps must be turned off past 8 PM. Barnard Dean Leslie Grinage wrote to students,…
I’m a senior in CC, and I was really looking forward to being the TA for General Chemistry this semester. I’ve always wanted to be that TA that everyone crushes on, but…
Following the announcement that the first two weeks of classes would be held online, provost Mary Boyce has officially announced that the following two weeks will also be virtual. When asked about…
I’m a month into my first year at Columbia, and, needless to say, the transition has been tough. Almost no one in my classes knows that I was the class of 2021…
“I mean, how were we supposed to know Hurricane Ida would flood the subways?” exclaimed Transportation Commissioner Harold Gutman, a week after the subways were flooded by Hurricane Henri. …
When Jerry and Kramer switch rooms, it causes a whole bunch of trouble for the gang! But this trouble still isn’t anywhere close to the lifelike robots that rebel against their creators…
Trump campaign manager Bill Stepien told The Federalist: “We believe in a fair election, which is why we let Pennsylvania count ballots for a whopping 40 hours before completely obliterating them.”…
