NEW YORK, NY—Interim President Katrina Armstrong of Columbia University announced today that she is stepping down from her current position on a particularly wobbly ladder outside of Low Library, effective April 1,…
Washington, D.C.—In a surprise broadcast last night, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Donald Trump’s pick to head the Department of Health and Human Services, announced his first major policy initiative: a nationwide ban…
An individual’s relationship with their roommate is an intimate and ancient bond, one that requires constant communication and careful maintenance. Or at least, I thought so. When my roommate and I used…
Exactly two days ago today, I made a big decision. I decided to reject my offer at Goldman Sachs and take the leap into the part-time lawn care business, specifically the lawn…
If you love a slutty little runny nose and sultry wet cough, I have just the place for you: New York’s hottest club is the Columbia Health Clinic. Located on the most…
Columbia Community, On Monday, September 5, 2022 at approximately 8:34 a.m. a driverless moped was spotted traveling rapidly along Broadway. Moped is suspected to have suddenly gained consciousness after a freak lightning…
Following the success of her inaugural Year of Science, Barnard President Sian Beilock has announced last minute plans to immediately begin the Year of Dartmouth™. Beilock announced the following mandates early Tuesday…
As we stood outside the iconic storefront, Street Rat-turned-Chef Remy struggled to hold back tears as NYC Health Department officials plastered their scathing condemnation of the beloved Columbia establishment.…
Is it shameful to prefer pineapple to cantaloupe? I think not. Actually, I find it natural to zero in on the yummiest, juiciest selections for my picking. Every day, I enter John…
