BREAKING: Santander Opens New Location in McBain Fourth Floor Bathroom

Graphic by Oli

After its incredible success in Cafe East, Santander has decided to open a new banking location in the fourth floor bathrooms of McBain Hall. Sandra Burke, spokesperson for Santander, told the Federalist, “We’re always looking for new ways to connect to students. First, we let them withdraw money while waiting for their bubble tea. Now we’re hoping to reach students—and rats; we welcome all clientele—where they feel most comfortable: the fourth floor bathroom of McBain.”

Students are eager for the increase in banking opportunities with Santander. “I always thought it was a money laundering scheme for Blue Java, but I guess this is cool too,” one Columbia College senior said. 

The new banking location will feature full-time tellers and financial advisors. Students looking to start their own 401(k) or get a mortgage for their house will only have to pass by a couple urinals to begin their refinancing journey.