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Food and Drink/On Campus/Politics

Untangling the Storied Past and Volatile Future of Chef Mike and Chef Don

by Matthew Pierson
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

“They say blood runs thicker than sauce… but for my brother Mike, that sauce wasn’t marinara; it was Italian dressing.” -Chef Don To understand the shocking—yet unreported—schism in the Columbia Dining community,…

Arts and Culture/On Campus

Dear Blue and White: Lets Kiss

by Mollie Schmidtberger
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Dear Blue and White, Let’s kiss.  We’d just be so powerful together. Think about it; a two-color undergraduate magazine that’s old as shit, and a sexy, politically reformed, totally honest newspaper touching…

On Campus

The Right Honorable Baroness Shafik Announces First Initiative as President: Reclaiming Columbia in Honor of the British Throne, Returning to King’s College Roots.

by Dalia Etessami
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

LOW LIBRARY—We have just received word from Buckingham Palace that during her reign as Columbia University President, the Honorable Baroness Nemat Talaat “Minouche” Shafik will continue to proudly serve her duty as…

Science and Technology

CONFESSION: I Did a Sick Flip Turn Out of the Womb and Killed My Twin

by Grace Weinswig
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

There’s something I have needed to get off my chest for a while. I have been haunted by my past for far too long, so it’s time to come clean. I am…

Advice/On Campus

Tips for Finishing the Semester

by Simone Swersky
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

“One month of school has passed, how will I ever finish?” If you’ve been catching yourself thinking this lately, don’t fear! Here are eight tips and tricks to make the semester a…

Arts and Culture/Music/On Campus/Opinion

Opinion: Why My Blue Man Group Knockoff Band Should Headline Bacchanal

by Cordell Smith
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

So, the Battle of the Bands happened last Thursday. The student body chose one of Columbus’s most talented musicians to open for what we all know will be some D-list celebrity. I…

Advice/On Campus

Three Ways to Thoughtfully Nod at the Person You Talked to One Time in a Class You Dropped

by Su Ertekin-Taner
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Everyone’s been there. You had a great, engaging conversation with the person sitting right by you in a class. You may have talked about your apprehensions about the class, the other person’s…

Food and Drink/On Campus/Science and Technology

Columbia Dining Plants Chef Don’s To Cover SEAS Smell

by Sylvi Stein
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

The stunning grand opening of Chef Don’s Pizza Pi, the newest dining hall on campus, has had students buzzing with excitement. Thoughtfully dubbed with a mathematical pun strategically generated to lure in…

On Campus

A Columbia Valentine

by Ashley Rapp
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’ll be at the penis fountain on February 14th, Will you?…

Advice/New York City/On Campus/World

‘I Forgot What it Feels Like to Be in a Car!’ and 10 Other Signs You Might Be Suffering From First Semester Syndrome

by Dani Winkler
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

The holiday season is known for heralding wonderful surprises: twinkly lights, overcooked ham, your 84-year-old grandma’s decision to redecorate your childhood bedroom while you’re asleep on the couch. But our collective immunity…

Advice/On Campus

The Fed’s Official Valentine’s Day Gift Guide 

by Ashley Rapp and Dani Winkler
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

Love is in the air! The Fed wants to help you score a public makeout sesh worthy of making every unlucky student in a .2 mile radius retch, so we’ve created a…

Breaking News/On Campus

BREAKING: Santander Opens New Location in McBain Fourth Floor Bathroom

by Julian Gerber
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

After its incredible success in Cafe East, Santander has decided to open a new banking location in the fourth floor bathrooms of McBain Hall. Sandra Burke, spokesperson for Santander, told the Federalist,…

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