It all started so innocently. An account requested to follow me. The bio was so simple—; an elegant, quaint “@columbia”.
“Oh that’s crazy,” I thought to myself. “That’s where I go to school too!”
A spotify link. “No way! I love the Smiths too! I wonder if they’re a deep-thinker philosophy major like me. I think I recognize them from my Marxism class?”
“30 mutual followers? No way, Suzie knows them? They seem so cool.”
I accepted the request. I requested to follow back.
A few days passed.
Then, I started to see prom photos on my feed. “That’s weird. I don’t remember this person from high school.” I thought nothing of it.
Then graduation photos. “Wait, that isn’t my high school!”
I checked the Instagram account. It was the same one I had followed earlier.
Then it hit like a ton of bricks. Senior assassin videos. Senior sunrise pics. 6th year anniversary with their ugly boyfriend. They’re playing the lead in their senior musical??
Am I going to be on Dateline? Is John Quiñones about to pop out with cameras? I’m going to be cancelled. I’m an enabler. I feel like Leonardo DiCaprio. Obviously, I, who has almost completed my entire freshman year, can’t relate to any of that! I’m just too emotionally complex and mature; Lit Hum changed my ways of thinking. I hit the unfollow button. I take to my Notes app for accountability for my disgusting actions.
