Dear Columbia Students, We’ve heard your complaints. Despite our new locations this year, there is still one major glaring issue we haven’t been able to address when looking across all of Columbia’s…
BREAKING—According to a new email from CUIT, Columbia Housing’s internal electronic database experienced a complete blackout late last night. “Our technicians are working around the clock to try to restore this system,”…
Due to Barnard’s recently publicized debt troubles, administrators have been searching for any easy cost-cutting measures to take to potentially ease the financial burden facing the school. This week, Barnard administrators finally…
After recent backlash due to the arrest and expulsion of multiple students alongside the forwarding of an unsuccessful Op-Ed via email, President Rosenbury has agreed to team up with YouTuber Shane Dawson…
In the midst of Columbia’s room selection process, campus has been buzzing over new, controversial rulings by the campus housing department; namely, the decision to use East Campus, a long-time promised dwelling…
In January, President Trump’s executive order “Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government” was signed into effect. Since then, government agencies have removed the “X”…
Trad-wife, Mormon TikToker Nara Smith, aiming to create slime without using glue or borax, accidentally whipped up a batch of mustard gas—leading to her biggest scandal since making sunscreen out of rotisserie…
After facing backlash for allegedly producing graduates who “lack the ability to read,” Columbia University has decided to take learning in a new direction. Inspired by the practices of K-6 education across…
“Lmao, my bad y’all,” Announces Barnard President Reporting that she “felt really bad about this,” and that “it’s always in the last place you look,” Barnard President Laura Rosenbury announced that she…
I was running late to class, and I needed to get to Hamilton as quickly as possible. I went through the 114th entrance to campus, and put my hand through the tarp…
Stunned sources at the latest Columbia Federalist meeting reported that the most recent pitch for the upcoming issue was clearly a thinly disguised attempt to air out the writer’s recent trauma. Inside…
In a stunning development that some are calling a “constitutional crisis,” Mayor Eric Adams has recently entered a plea of “I Know You Are, But What Am I” in exchange for the…
