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Hollywood to Change Tonys, Oscars, and Grammys to “Girl Names”

Responding to viewer concerns over male-dominant representation in the entertainment industry, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, Recording Academy, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and American Theatre Wing have introduced a new initiative to diversify the award experience: renaming their awards with “girl names.” 

“For too long have the names of men overshadowed the work of women in this industry,” stated a spokesperson. “Now, we want to make the names of women heard! Specifically, the names Taylor, Ophelia, and Gracie.”

When asked whether these changes would be accompanied by meaningful work to reduce the gender disparity during awards and address the challenges faced by women and gender-nonconforming individuals in the entertainment industry, the spokesperson added, “We are going to make the Emmys nonbinary,” and panned the camera to Tom Cruise doing pirouettes on an active electric cable.