At first glance, Billy Multitasker appears to be a machine, a man on a mission. He’s got an eight-monitor set-up in Butler and shushed the stupid beta cuckold asking around the library…
Uris Library announced last Wednesday that they would be rolling out a new vision of the first floor talking library. The first floor is known throughout campus for its social laidback vibe…
To anyone who will listen: please attend to my tale of woe! This morning, my application to be a summer intern in my own (upper-middle-class) home was rejected. I’d gotten desperate following…
As the weather warms up, a tragic economic reality is revealed to those who care enough to open their eyes and see it. Smattered across the lawns of our very own campus,…
The Strait of Hormuz, one of the most heavily-used passages for oil and energy traffic, has been closed since March of 2026 due to American interference in the Middle East. Tensions have…
“I never thought I’d get this far,” admitted the fabled “Broadway arsonist” this morning after finally succeeding in burning down Broadway Hall. The infamous arsonist is known for awaking every Broadway resident…
Earlier this week, a pair of emails sent out to the entirety of the Columbia Student and Faculty body sent shock waves through the community. The first email featured an all too…
CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?! Hey—finally you found me! I’ve been stuck under here forever! You’re probably wondering how I got into this pickle… well, it’s a long story. One night—gosh, it feels…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN — In a shocking new demonstration, Columbia students have joined hand-in-hand on Low Library steps in an act of friendship. The Fed confirmed the display began at approximately 8:32…
With Commencement quickly approaching, soon-graduating seniors have been scrambling to become more familiar with the city outside of the Morningside Heights bubble. Whether you’re finally taking a train that isn’t the 1…
