“I never thought I’d get this far,” admitted the fabled “Broadway arsonist” this morning after finally succeeding in burning down Broadway Hall. The infamous arsonist is known for awaking every Broadway resident…
Last December, early reports trickled in to The Federalist that President Shipman and the Board of Trustees intended to increase undergraduate tuition by 20%, aiming to cover the rising costs of caviar,…
Like all good Columbia College seniors, I walked into Dodge Fitness Center the other day to complete my swim test, donned my finest (and tiniest) swim trunks, and hoped to harness the…
This morning, Columbia Treasurer Sunil Gulati announced that JJ’s Place will begin serving alcoholic beverages once again to make up the deficit in Columbia’s budget. JJ’s Place was originally opened as “John…
This morning, the Office of the Secretary has announced that they’ve found Columbia’s next president. The catch: they aren’t born yet. Just hours ago, the Columbia trustees announced that they have been…
This morning, Columbia Dining announced that the infamous campus currency Dining Dollars has been renamed “Cafe East Dollars,” because “that’s literally the only place you can use them anyways.” Columbia has long…
Every year, Bacchanal selects a mid rap artist that no one has ever heard of to headline. Until now. This year, they have announced a rap artist that everyone has heard of…
Columbia University Facilities announced this morning that the Butler Library stacks will be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in order to facilitate the production of more legacy students.…
President Armstrong has reportedly been what many call “a little too excited” about the Minouche Shafik Halloween costume she recently put together at Party City. Many of her known associates have reported…
Duo, Columbia’s student account multi-factor verification service, has been known to terrorize students with unnecessary identity verification before they even step on campus. To address user concerns of not being able to…
