On Campus JJ’s Is Back, And So Are My Back Rolls by Sandy Gooen May 1, 2017November 5, 2021 "I know I shouldn't, but those mozzarella sticks are so damn good." …
On Campus Researchers Discover New Species of Prospective Columbia Students by John Andrade April 29, 2017November 5, 2021 Beware: anyone who approaches Alphadouchies will likely succumb to verbal abuse rooted in insecurities.…
On Campus Downtrodden Freshman Calls It Quits, Asks When This Fucking Thing Can Be Over by Federalist Staff April 28, 2017November 1, 2024 “I don’t need your pity. But I do need you to buy this pan flute CD for $5.”…
On Campus Over-Eager Mom Sends Sweater Vest by Federalist Staff April 27, 2017November 1, 2024 “She said she had sent me a package, and I thought it was going to be some flip-flops or a swimsuit or some shit like that."…
World Uncultured Swine Still Not Totally Sure What “Boujee” Means by Benjamin Most April 27, 2017November 5, 2021 “When my friends reference the song, I just laugh and pretend like I get it."…
On Campus State School Transfer Adjusting To Butt Chug Free Environment by Harrison Gale April 26, 2017November 5, 2021 "I’m starting to miss the familiar, raw sting of alcohol funneling into my rectum."…
On Campus Sorority Photo Just Same White Girl Copy and Pasted 150 Times by Benjamin Most April 25, 2017November 5, 2021 “We all look the same except for that one brunette, but usually we make her take the photo anyways, so we should be fine."…
On Campus The Five Thiccest Lit Hum Books You’ll Ever Read by Benjamin Most April 25, 2017November 5, 2021 "To all those people who revel in moist novels like Infinite Jest and scoff at bony novellas like Of Mice and Men, this list is for you."…
On Campus Columbia Mistakenly Hires Math Professor Who Speaks English by Kevin Gong April 24, 2017November 5, 2021 "In the future, we will work harder to ensure that students cannot understand anything from the lectures or notes."…
On Campus To Streamline Life, CS Major to Wear Same Grey T Shirt, Diaper Everyday by Isaiah Bennett April 24, 2017November 5, 2021 "Why go to the bathroom when I can relieve myself right in the NoCo chair I’ve nested in for the past 13 days?”…
On Campus Administration Unsure If Creepy Guy Pervert or Just Christian by Nick Ribolla April 23, 2017November 5, 2021 "I really can’t tell if he’s just being friendly, or wants to tie me up and slather me in some homemade barbecue sauce."…
Featured Pigeon At 1020 Always Thinking With Its Cloaca by Isaiah Bennett April 21, 2017November 5, 2021 "He also harassed passing male pigeons, asking if they would be his wing men."…
