Following the news of the involvement of several prominent Columbia professors in the Epstein files, CULPA has announced a new feature: professors’ profiles will now show the “broken heart emoji” to indicate…
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In a historic cohort, four Columbia students have received the prestigious distinction…
A recent statement from Columbia College has announced that a communications major…
In an executive decision from the Columbia and Barnard Dining collective, following…
After pleading with Eric for insight on his difficult courseload, he gave in, emphasizing his charitability in “advising plebeians.” With vigor in his eyes, he revealed, “I haven’t slept in three days,…
Common symptoms are living vicariously through Instagram posts, touch deprivation, lucid dreaming about a life without your blue light glasses, and crying. If you find yourself experiencing these, please reach out to…
5. Bear GryllsPros: Very knowledgeable about surviving in uninhabitable environments, very applicable to NYCCons: Bold, but not beautiful…
Bezos summoned another worker to kiss his booboo better, and after the worker soothed his ankle with sana sana culita de rana, Bezos was ready to continue the next few steps to…
Cornell - To no one’s surprise, Cornell’s place in the tree-fuck club is a little bit . . . artificial. You know those pine-shaped air fresheners? Yeah . .…
“Fuck, man. My lactose intolerance is who I am. I don’t know what I am without it. What am I gonna use as an ice-breaker? What am I gonna use as one…
Columbia Student Life announces new awards to encourage phone sex in promotion of the health compact
In a bid to encourage safe and healthy interactions on campus, Columbia is rolling out a new program under the #KeepTheCompact umbrella that will promote covid-19 secure intercourse, called #KinkyForTheCommunity.…
The singer wrote, “I’m in the studio working on something special after today’s assault on democracy.” As this terrorist schemes up “something special,” D.C. residents are preparing for the worst.…
3. Donald Duck canceled for flashing on live television.…
Some may respond by referencing how at the 2009 VMAs Kanye said the award should go to Beyonce and not Taylor, implying he is not a hardcore stan. However, arguing about whether…
Mimosas just aren’t the same when you’re surrounded by a burning city…
Back then, there weren’t any pesky child labor laws. I earned my stripes first in a blacking factory, then as a chimney sweep for Charles Dickens. According to the town physician I…
