Terror in D.C.: Demi Lovato to Perform at Biden Inauguration

After January 6th’s attempted coup by domestic terrorists, residents of Washington, D.C. believed things couldn’t get any worse. They were wrong. Just one week later, it was announced that Demi Lovato and Justin Timberlake would perform at the inauguration of President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris.

Locals began gathering essentials and it was discovered mere hours after the announcement that all noise-cancelling headphones were sold out across the district. D.C. resident Polly Levine, BC ‘22, felt frustrated and fearful after hearing the news. She told Federalist reporters, “I am extremely shaken up. I wish now more than ever that I was safe in my Hewitt dorm room. This is worse than when my grandparents were in the Holocaust. No one saw this coming.” 

Another student reached out to the Federalist—this time, with a cry for help. “Please,” screamed Dan*, CC ‘24, on the phone to a concerned staffer, “I am begging. Anyone with an open place to stay on January 20th outside of the D.C. area please contact me! My email is [REDACTED].” (*Unfortunately, we could not publish Dan’s full name or his email address due to privacy concerns.)

Lovato even went so far as to post on Twitter about a current project inspired by the attempted coup. The singer wrote, “I’m in the studio working on something special after today’s assault on democracy.” As this terrorist schemes up “something special,” D.C. residents are preparing for the worst.

It is unknown if these performances will have any long term effects, but one thing is sure: no one is safe.