Everyone’s been there. You had a great, engaging conversation with the person sitting right by you in a class. You may have talked about your apprehensions about the class, the other person’s…
The stunning grand opening of Chef Don’s Pizza Pi, the newest dining hall on campus, has had students buzzing with excitement. Thoughtfully dubbed with a mathematical pun strategically generated to lure in…
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’ll be at the penis fountain on February 14th, Will you?…
The holiday season is known for heralding wonderful surprises: twinkly lights, overcooked ham, your 84-year-old grandma’s decision to redecorate your childhood bedroom while you’re asleep on the couch. But our collective immunity…
Love is in the air! The Fed wants to help you score a public makeout sesh worthy of making every unlucky student in a .2 mile radius retch, so we’ve created a…
After its incredible success in Cafe East, Santander has decided to open a new banking location in the fourth floor bathrooms of McBain Hall. Sandra Burke, spokesperson for Santander, told the Federalist,…
Okay, breathe. Be cool. That one cute Barnard girl from Intro Java suggested that “we should grab lunch sometime” and now she actually means it. You’ve been waiting for this. But… oh…
In a shocking report, the Fed found that all 30,135 members of Columbia’s student body are still unsure of what they should hate about Nemat “Minouche” Shafik, the incoming president of their…
When I talked to my Columbia-approved therapist about my seasonal depression, I was expecting to get some sort of validation, information, medication, or even sedation—instead, nothing. No “Well……….. what do you think…
As we say farewell to Lee Bollinger’s legendary 20-year tenure as Columbia’s president, the Federalist is reminiscing on some of Prezbo’s best insights: On freshmen getting lost on the 1 train during…
