Columbia Dining Plants Chef Don’s To Cover SEAS Smell

Graphic by Dani Rivera

The stunning grand opening of Chef Don’s Pizza Pi, the newest dining hall on campus, has had students buzzing with excitement. Thoughtfully dubbed with a mathematical pun strategically generated to lure in engineering students who are entranced by the juxtaposition of STEM words with food words, the dining hall opened up in Mudd to great success. But why a SEAS building? The answer, says Chef Don, is simple. 

“Those SEAS kids just smell bad,” he told the Fed. “Probably too busy coding to shower. Or maybe it’s just the scent of despair that naturally clings to people submitting eight p-sets a week and taking midterms two weeks into the semester.”

When asked to discuss the rumors relating to the alleged stinkiness of his students, SEAS Dean Chang reluctantly admitted that the smell may have factored into the placement of the dining hall. “But come on,” he quickly added, “It’s not like those CC kids are much better. You ever been in Butler right before the LitHum final? Rancid.” 

Further investigative journalism revealed that Chef Mike’s Sub Shop had been placed in Uris Hall to cover up the scent of desperation that clings to business students.