A series of reports from all corners of Columbia University have confirmed that things will only continue to get worse. Working in collaboration, several graduate programs within the University have released findings…
Amid the breaking news that the Dire Wolf was resurrected by biotechnology after 10,000 years of extinction, Columbia University recently announced the Department of Genetics’s plans to resurrect their own long-dead pop…
To stem what President Rosenbury describes as the “pillaging” of Barnard dining halls by “so-called affiliate” Columbia dining halls, Barnard has enacted a 104% tariff on dining swipes used by Barnard students…
Columbia University recently voiced their support for Chappell Roan after she faced controversy in the wake of her recent Call Her Daddy interview. The university spokesperson stated that they too believe stars…
Columbia University Announces New Masters In Negotiation at Freshly-Minted Neville Chamberlain School of Appeasement
Writing that the new program would help ensure “peace in our time,” President Shafik Armstrong Shipman touted the new announcement as a fresh direction for Columbia. Citing recent pressure from the Trump…
It all started so innocently. An account requested to follow me. The bio was so simple—; an elegant, quaint “@columbia”. “Oh that’s crazy,” I thought to myself. “That’s where I go to…
Remember the good old booming days when you could spring the $5.80 for the subway to and from Bushwick, the $15 cover, and two or three shots for your friends at the…
In order to address the ever-growing student population, Columbia Housing recently announced a new initiative to increase housing supply without the pains of increased building costs. Starting in Fall 2025, the university…
The rumors are true: I’m graduating. Byeeeee!! But before I go, honor and duty compel me to use my lofty platform at the Columbia Federalist to pen odes to my campus missed…
After weeks of PR chaos, Slither.io has finally come forward regarding the resurgence of some controversial tweets made by Columbia University’s Acting President, Claire Shipman. In these Tweets (the Fed refuses to…