Given the recent announcement by the US Department of Education that Columbia University no longer meets accreditation standards, President Shafik Armstrong Shipman (or whoever we’re on now) has confirmed that the recently…
A series of reports from all corners of Columbia University have confirmed that things will only continue to get worse. Working in collaboration, several graduate programs within the University have released findings…
After nosy profile viewer and political science major Chad Major-Ally (CC ’27) followed Barnard College on LinkedIn.com, he received a hero’s welcome as he stepped through the gates of the women’s college…
NEW YORK, NY—Interim President Katrina Armstrong of Columbia University announced today that she is stepping down from her current position on a particularly wobbly ladder outside of Low Library, effective April 1,…
BREAKING—According to a new email from CUIT, Columbia Housing’s internal electronic database experienced a complete blackout late last night. “Our technicians are working around the clock to try to restore this system,”…
Hi everyone! I wanted to share an important update with my network regarding my personal life. I am now #OpenToDate! This comes after months of listening to ‘attracting, not chasing’ subliminals, writing…
PRESIDENT SHAFIK IS GONE. WE BEAT SPEC TO TELLING YOU. TIMES ARE A’CHANGIN. NO NEED FOR MORE SPEC-FED FRISBEE GAMES, WE WIN BABYYYYY…
In a leaked letter to faculty and staff from Baroness Shafik and the Board of Trustees, The Fed has discovered the real reason why campus has closed and commencement has been canceled. …
In a shocking email sent at 1:13am, President Shafik, in conjunction with the Board of Trustees, announced that the next year at Columbia has been canceled due to an increased risk of…
Earlier today, it was discovered that Columbia University had canceled its main commencement ceremony, which typically takes place on the Morningside campus from Butler lawns to Low Library. Major media outlets such…
