In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence hall, the CARES Community Safety team appointed a new Security Chief Alpha, 6’3 former-CEO Hugh G. Thruster. Recent survey reports…
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In the wake of myriad changes to the government and general functioning…
Following his unprecedented loss in the New York City mayoral election, Republican…
Can’t bear the lunchtime chaos? Skip the line and buy a table…
Last Sunday at 11:59 pm, Cafe East employee Earl Yearling returned from his smoke break to check on his latest batch of boba when he spotted two men deconstructing the on-campus café’s…
Dear Fed, Every year when winter break rolls around, I always get excited that the best time of year has finally arrived: writing CULPA reviews. After all the suffering I’ve gone through…
On Monday, Columbia Dining, in partnership with the Columbia College and Columbia Engineering office for Multicultural Affairs, announced that Café East will be transformed into an Erewhon come Spring 2025. “At Columbia,…
As temperatures dropped into the 30°F on Wednesday, the Penis Fountains of Low Steps were reported defending their smaller appendage size under the common wives tales of “being cold.” Scientists and university…
Cock-a-doodle-doo! As we’re in the new semester, one can’t help but think of rebirth, new beginnings, and the non-powdered scrambled eggs your mom is gonna cook for you when you finally go…
International students, who once claimed that they felt intimidated by the cruel New York winter, report feeling adequately prepared to face the freezing cold thanks to the Butler Library entrance wind. The…
It’s rush – sorry, recruitment – weekend at Columbia University, and the mice are out to play (freezing in their mini white dresses and open-toed heels on college walk, of course). We…
Butler Library staff recently switched file-organizing systems and discovered that the average book in the library is not as old as your mom. The Federalist spoke with the head of the project,…
We’ve all seen it: maybe we’re a little touch-starved or maybe the sun is hitting his sculpted bronze body at just the right angle, but there is no denying that the statue…
On a crisp Monday afternoon, as the falling leaves scattered across Low Steps, I ran into a boy. Tastefully dressed in SigEp merchandise, a long trench coat layered over his specially printed…
Following a visit to campus by inspectors from the Middle States Commission on Higher Education, the Columbia Graduate School of Architecture, Planning and Preservation was shut down in a mere thirty seconds.…
In a recent announcement via their diplomatic envoy, “Little France” (the tiny run-off nation located in the narrow corridor between the Lawns and Butler Library) has begun strict enforcement of their border.…
