Penis Fountain Appears Smaller, Claims it’s “Just Cold Rn”

As temperatures dropped into the 30°F on Wednesday, the Penis Fountains of Low Steps were reported defending their smaller appendage size under the common wives tales of “being cold.” Scientists and university officials are currently conducting studies on the possibility of “shrinkage” that may be occurring as cooler temperatures interact with the molecules inside the stone. The sputtering and outraged response by the fountains in defense of their, let’s face it, unfavorable endowments mirrors other common tropes of said-organ-owners defending their sentient packages with phrases such as: “you nudged my leg you KNOW how that gets me,” “I can’t help that I get turned on by [insert non-erogenous item/action],” and “I’ll get blue balls which is scientifically the most painful thing anyone can feel literally ever.”