Help! I Really Want to Call My Teacher a “Sadistic Maniac Who Deserves to Burn in Hell” in My CULPA Review But I Don’t Want to be on the Naughty List

Dear Fed,

Every year when winter break rolls around, I always get excited that the best time of year has finally arrived: writing CULPA reviews. After all the suffering I’ve gone through in the semester, it feels so cathartic to get all my anger out in one scathing review. However, as I sat down to explain why my English professor deserves to have his liver pecked out by birds as a crowd of schoolchildren jeer at him for all eternity, I had a sudden realization: what would Santa think?

On the one hand, I have to urge others to never take a class from that absolutely evil ogre of a human being, but, on the other hand, I sure don’t want to end up on the naughty list! I’ve been really looking forward to waking up on Christmas morning and finding that new LEGO set under the tree that I told Santa I wanted in my letter to the North Pole. Unfortunately, in my letter, I didn’t have time to explain to him how my ruthless takedown of my teacher was totally justified because I got a B+ on the first essay! Help, Fed, what do I do?