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Science and Technology

Breaking News/On Campus/Science and Technology

BREAKING: CDC Identifies New Disease Called ‘Sorority Ear’

by Su Ertekin-Taner
February 26, 2023February 19, 2023

Following the finalizations of sorority recruitment this week, the CDC has announced a new, dangerous illness pertinent to the sorority community, those adjacent to the sorority community, and those who have been…

Science and Technology

CONFESSION: I Did a Sick Flip Turn Out of the Womb and Killed My Twin

by Grace Weinswig
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

There’s something I have needed to get off my chest for a while. I have been haunted by my past for far too long, so it’s time to come clean. I am…

Food and Drink/On Campus/Science and Technology

Columbia Dining Plants Chef Don’s To Cover SEAS Smell

by Sylvi Stein
February 14, 2023February 14, 2023

The stunning grand opening of Chef Don’s Pizza Pi, the newest dining hall on campus, has had students buzzing with excitement. Thoughtfully dubbed with a mathematical pun strategically generated to lure in…

New York City/On Campus/Science and Technology

What Is the Largest Animal You Would Kill if the Federalist Told You It Was Invasive?

by Julian Gerber
November 28, 2022November 28, 2022

The spotted lanternfly has been public enemy number one for Columbia students ever since multiple state governments put a hit out on it. Dozens of lanternfly corpses now litter the streets in…

On Campus/Science and Technology

Duo Upgrades to Trio, Will Require Blood Sacrifice for Authentication

by Molly Bynum
November 17, 2022November 17, 2022

In a move that once again proves how much student feedback matters to University administration, Duo, the infamous authentication app, has been modified into Trio. Now, instead of Duo’s two factor-authentication, Trio…

Advice/On Campus/Science and Technology

ADVICE: My Friends Want Me to Get Discord, but I’m Worried It’ll Make Me Look Like a Gamer

by Molly Durawa
October 16, 2022October 18, 2022

Dear Federalist, When I first arrived at Columbia in August for NSOP, I was nervous about making friends. Not because I’m shy or weird or a loser or anything. I’m very cool…

On Campus/Science and Technology/The Core

(GROUND)BREAKING: Digging a Tunnel to the Core of the Earth Now Counts for a Global Core Credit

by Ava Young-Stoner
October 13, 2022October 13, 2022

In an earth-shattering decision from the new dean of Columbia College, Dr. Josef Sorett announced to students via email that digging a tunnel to the core of the Earth will now count…

On Campus/Science and Technology

Lanternfly You Killed Actually Scientist Curing World Hunger

by Molly Durawa
October 6, 2022October 18, 2022

Remember that spotted lanternfly you squashed the other day? You were walking to class, and you saw it sitting on the ground, and you thought, “Why not?” And then it took off…

Advice/Science and Technology

How to Lose a Fly in 10 Days

by Gustie Owens
September 10, 2022September 14, 2022

It was a balmy evening. I made myself a cup of tea and cracked the window. Oh, the lovely breeze. But what the lovely breeze brought in… I thought it was a…

Science and Technology

Oh Feebee Lay! Columbia Cuts Costs, Conducts Psych Studies on Sims

by Whitney Deng and Megan Meyerson
November 13, 2021November 11, 2021

“We understand the concerns surrounding the biological differences between Sims and humans, but we strongly believe the benefits outweigh the costs. Can a human exist for four hours as a ghost? No,…

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