The spotted lanternfly has been public enemy number one for Columbia students ever since multiple state governments put a hit out on it. Dozens of lanternfly corpses now litter the streets in…
In a move that once again proves how much student feedback matters to University administration, Duo, the infamous authentication app, has been modified into Trio. Now, instead of Duo’s two factor-authentication, Trio…
Dear Federalist, When I first arrived at Columbia in August for NSOP, I was nervous about making friends. Not because I’m shy or weird or a loser or anything. I’m very cool…
In an earth-shattering decision from the new dean of Columbia College, Dr. Josef Sorett announced to students via email that digging a tunnel to the core of the Earth will now count…
Remember that spotted lanternfly you squashed the other day? You were walking to class, and you saw it sitting on the ground, and you thought, “Why not?” And then it took off…
It was a balmy evening. I made myself a cup of tea and cracked the window. Oh, the lovely breeze. But what the lovely breeze brought in… I thought it was a…
“We understand the concerns surrounding the biological differences between Sims and humans, but we strongly believe the benefits outweigh the costs. Can a human exist for four hours as a ghost? No,…
On Thursday the CDC issued a statement about the Delta Phi Epsilon COVID strain, warning that at 69%, it has the highest fratality rate of any known virus to date. The variant’s…
Following the shocking announcement of their divorce, it is becoming increasingly unclear as to how the assets and belongings of Bill and Melinda Gates will be divided. Extremely worrying is the fact…
Econ-cardio atrophius: Nearly all of Columbia’s econ majors suffer from this devastating condition wherein the act of consistently subordinating the needs of society to personal wealth causes the heart to atrophy. Common…
