“I only read the Sparknotes, but even I was able to deliver a vehement diatribe against his unfair treatment of women."…

"The monster bellowed, 'HOLY GUACAMOLE, THIS IS OFF THE HOOK,' bits spattering out of its gaping jaws."…

“The only way to lure the cats was to offer them what they sought: easy and average-looking guys,” Animal Control said.…

"These Halloween costumes ignore the things deeper than our skin, like high levels of thirst and lower-than-average standards."…

"I can’t imagine that anyone reasonable would think that it’d be acceptable for my organs to help some Six."…

The change will afford him the opportunity to enroll in GS full-time.…

“We’ve just been tossing them in the dumpster on 111th.”…

He has yet to figure out how to resize the GIF without decreasing the resolution to 200 pixels.…

“Once you’ve seen the world, you can’t stay in one place for long.”…

"A lot of people might not understand the my transition."…

Despite the imminence of the final debate, Trump was reportedly grumbling in the car the whole way, throwing his fists and kicking the seat in front of him.…

"The effort is honestly impressive."…