ATLANTIC CITY – With the presidential debate season coming to an end, reports have surfaced that Donald Trump has yet to find his crew at debate camp.
“Donald and I are new to debate and I felt camp would be a great way for him to make some new friends,” said Melania Trump. “I met my dear friend Michelle at camp this summer. She was very helpful, and we became so close that she even gave me some of her team’s backfiles to work with. We really encouraged Donald to keep an open mind and try new things.” Despite the imminence of the final debate, Trump was reportedly grumbling in the car the whole way, throwing his fists and kicking the seat in front of him.
The camp’s director, Kellyanne Conway, said that while it’s normal for first-time campers to have trouble, Trump seemed to struggle more than most. “Many campers need some time to acclimate and find their scene. But Donald was a special case,” Conway said. “At first we couldn’t get him to do any activities, for he refused to do even the slightest research. And now he won’t stop running around screaming ‘CHINA’ and demanding that we build a wall around his cabin. Oh, and he even threatened to leave if Hillary showed up again. He just came in with the wrong attitude, and it seems like all he talks about with his fellow campers is how much he doesn’t want to be here,” said the camp’s director.
Mike Pence, Trump’s debate partner agreed that Trump was difficult to deal with: “He never tells me where he’s going, just that ‘it’s going to be great.’ And he always gets us into trouble. And I’m the one who has to make excuses for us. And he always calls me Mr. Potatohead. Screw that guy. If I have to spend one more week with him at camp, I might just call my parents to take me home.”
When asked to respond to the criticism, Trump campaign surrogate Rudy Giuliani deflected, and insisted that everyone should “remember that time Hillary got pneumonia at camp and fell down the stairs.”