Ferris Pasta Station Announces Fluid Identity

LERNER HALL – The pasta station at Ferris Booth Commons came out this weekend as identity-fluid and told reporters it “just feels like an omelet bar sometimes.”

The announcement comes after years of suspicions that the station serves omelets instead of pasta in the morning.

“Sometimes I come for brunch, and the pasta bar’s not open yet,” Jacqueline Harris CC ’19 said. “I’ve seen this hot omelet stuff being put away. And it’s awkward, you know? Because you don’t want to be rude or insensitive, but at the same time, it’s like, am I the only one seeing this?”

Now that it’s out of the closet, the pasta station said it is less concerned about being seen during its daily transition period.

“It’s like I can finally show people who I really am,” the pasta station said. “There’s a lot more to me than gluten and 30-minute waits.  And a lot of people might not understand my transition. But you know what? I’m okay with that. Soon enough people will realize that food groups are just a social construct.”

As of press time, the station was changing its name to the pasta, egg, marinara, pesto, meatball, alfredo, onion, garlic, green pepper, red pepper, roasted squash, mushroom, artichoke, tomato, sundried tomato, cherry tomato, spinach, broccoli, tofu, turkey, ham, bacon, chicken, peas, carrots, and corn station (PEMPMAOGGRRMATSCSBTTHBCPCC station).  Asked of its preferred preparation method, the station stated that “‘omelet’ and ‘scrambled’ are too binary.