"I know I shouldn't, but those mozzarella sticks are so damn good." …

Beware: anyone who approaches Alphadouchies will likely succumb to verbal abuse rooted in insecurities.…

“I don’t need your pity. But I do need you to buy this pan flute CD for $5.”…

“She said she had sent me a package, and I thought it was going to be some flip-flops or a swimsuit or some shit like that."…

"I’m starting to miss the familiar, raw sting of alcohol funneling into my rectum."…

“We all look the same except for that one brunette, but usually we make her take the photo anyways, so we should be fine."…

"To all those people who revel in moist novels like Infinite Jest and scoff at bony novellas like Of Mice and Men, this list is for you."…

"In the future, we will work harder to ensure that students cannot understand anything from the lectures or notes."…

"Why go to the bathroom when I can relieve myself right in the NoCo chair I’ve nested in for the past 13 days?”…

"I really can’t tell if he’s just being friendly, or wants to tie me up and slather me in some homemade barbecue sauce."…