Even though we’re in the midst of a pandemic, there’s still so much pressure to meet someone you like, build a symbiotic relationship, and produce 100 zygotes by the age of 27.…
Kant: When your girlfriend asks if her voice sounds annoying over Zoom, you do not hesitate to truthfully say “yes, indeed it does.”…
Trump Threatens to Bomb Iranian Cultural Sites, Iran Threatens to Bomb McDonalds
by Nurasyl Shokeyev and Ernie Bertland
General Soleimani was a martyr and a hero. America only has fictional heros, like Spongebob and Ronald McDonald.…
Hell will now be relocated to an area just west of Heaven, and will still be kinda shitty, but in a trendy way, and with the option for Holy Gentrification by next…
Santa managed to eject before the collision; however, Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer along with his other fellow reindeer were killed. #RIPtheReindeer has been trending on Twitter, while clowns all over the…
The dichotomy of this masterpiece is that it panders to a liberal audience through its name whilst simultaneously subverting the ridiculous standard to which the white male is held in society.…
Russian Cyclists Banned from 2020 Olympics for Doping Too Little
by Harriet Place and Nurasyl Shokeyev
Craig Reede, the President of WADA, said that, “Russia was afforded every opportunity to pump their cyclists with testosterone and ketamine, but the results have not been satisfactory.”…
“BDS is, like, super cool. My ex-girlfriend from high school is studying Bachelor of Dental Surgery in the UK — she says it’s dope. I miss her.”…
Op-Ed: If JFK Drove a Tesla Cybertruck, He Would Still Be Alive
by Amelia Fay, Nurasyl Shokeyev and Ernie Bertland
What Musk is saying is that these windows can only be broken by a small metal ball. They can endure “wrenches” and the “kitchen sink,” even the slug that vaporized JFK’s head!…
