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Gustie Owens

Advice/Science and Technology

How to Lose a Fly in 10 Days

by Gustie Owens
September 10, 2022September 14, 2022

It was a balmy evening. I made myself a cup of tea and cracked the window. Oh, the lovely breeze. But what the lovely breeze brought in… I thought it was a…

Food and Drink

“We Just Hate Women,” Barnard Dining Says to Complainers

by Zoe Vogelsang and Gustie Owens
April 1, 2022March 31, 2022

“Whiner, whiner, chicken diner,” Barnard Dining representatives said in response to The Fed’s attempt to get an interview about recent complaints from Barnard students about their dining hall hours, calorie counts, food…

On Campus

Are these two looking for a sublet or a threesome?

by Gustie Owens
October 23, 2021October 18, 2021

Hey! Thanks for reading our post! We’re a bit desperate to squeeze someone in this month (preferably non-male!) – the market for this sort of thing is just crazy right now! We…

Music/On Campus

Quiz: Is this a punk rock band or a Columbia class?

by Gustie Owens
July 14, 2021October 26, 2021

…

Politics/World

FiveThirtyEight Projects Massive Blue Wave Will Flood Coastlines by 2065

by Gustie Owens
November 12, 2020September 8, 2021

Keep driving your gas-guzzling Lexuses and running the AC with the windows open, because if we keep up the good work, we can expect a big blue wave to flood coastlines across…

Featured

Gummy Bears With Fries and 7 Other JJ’s Meals to Think About This Yom Kippur Fast

by Gustie Owens
September 28, 2020September 8, 2021

3. Chia pudding with anonymous accoutrements. It’s so fun to guess what dried food parcels are nestled into your healthy goo. Gwenyth Paltrow-endorsed, chia pudding always makes you feel better about yourself…

On Campus/Politics

Are these Quotes from the Columbia Administration or Tammany Hall?

by Gustie Owens
September 21, 2020September 19, 2021

“The appearance of the law must be upheld— especially when it is being broken.”Thought this was a murmuring about Columbia graduate students being evicted and losing their funding during a global pandemic?…

Politics/World

At USPS Congressional Hearing, Postmaster Commits to Fire Hedwig, Hires Pigwidgeon

by Gustie Owens
August 25, 2020August 16, 2021

After pressure from the Left, DeJoy finally conceded: “Okay, you snail-mail-sucker neo-libs got me, I’ll make some changes.”…

Advice/Featured

How to Find a Mate During the Pandemic

by Amelia Fay and Gustie Owens
August 10, 2020September 14, 2022

Even though we’re in the midst of a pandemic, there’s still so much pressure to meet someone you like, build a symbiotic relationship, and produce 100 zygotes by the age of 27.…

World

Top 10 Women Joe Biden Might pick as VP, Ranked From Hot to Not!

by Gustie Owens and Nurasyl Shokeyev
May 25, 2020August 16, 2021

As Presidential hopeful Joe Biden begins to think about—and promptly forget—who should be his 2020 ticket buddy, the news world is racing to predict who the lucky lady could be.…

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