It has been reported to The Federalist that at 9:00am local time on December 31st, Santa Claus was spotted riding into Damascus on the back of a camel. He was greeted by children and adults alike, both hoping for presents and some festive cheer after struggling through another year of civil war–one that has seen scores of casualties and a large scale emigration of the local population.
Sadly, Santa revealed that his bag of presents had been destroyed six days prior, following an incident at the border in which Bashar al-Assad’s Air Defense Force mistook his sleigh for an Israeli fighter jet and shot it down. Santa managed to eject before the collision; however, Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer along with his other fellow reindeer were killed. #RIPtheReindeer has been trending on Twitter, while clowns all over the globe put on their red noses in solidarity.
This incident sparked tensions between al-Assad’s regime and Finland, where Santa resides. The latter promised to announce a series of sanctions against the regime. Meanwhile, Donald Trump showed his support by tweeting, “SAD for Rudolf and the gang. Christmas miracle that Santa survived. Bashar al-SAD wants to steal Christmas! #RIPtheReindeer”