Craig Reede, the President of WADA, said that, “Russia was afforded every opportunity to pump their cyclists with testosterone and ketamine, but the results have not been satisfactory.”…
“BDS is, like, super cool. My ex-girlfriend from high school is studying Bachelor of Dental Surgery in the UK — she says it’s dope. I miss her.”…
What Musk is saying is that these windows can only be broken by a small metal ball. They can endure “wrenches” and the “kitchen sink,” even the slug that vaporized JFK’s head!…
The subjects were seen frantically pantomiming, soliloquizing, and talking to a skull in the vicinity of Miller Theatre. There is one casualty confirmed at this time.…
President Bollinger has also ordered a pair of headphones for every member of the Columbia administration, so that they will be safeguarded from “noisy distractions. . . like that pesky graduate student…
"Does selling out count as an extracurricular?"…
“Here, It’s all about the feel and texture of the card. The plastic has to feel right in your fingers. When you know this is not a legitimate ID, it’s time to…
The Federalist Paper stands — or, rather, marches — in solidarity with the Columbia University Marching Band (CUMB), our brothers and sisters in satire. …
“We at The Pokémon Company recognize out unique position as possibly the only organization able to mobilize people around the world to maintain basic functionality of their bodies. In today’s society, Pokémon…
“Every journey starts with fear.” — Jake Gyllenhaal…
