The Columbia Federalist

September 22, 2026September 22, 2026

The John Jay Shitter: Fecal Matter as a Kind of Resistance

An Interview with Marcel Duchamp Right before his death, The Fed had the pleasure of interviewing the avant-garde artist Marcel Duchamp. His work focused on experimental, nonconformist ideas that manifested in all…

Breaking News/Featured

Advice for Single Freshmen During NSOP

by Livy Molko

September 13, 2026September 13, 2026

Welcome Freshmen. Welcome to NSOP. Welcome to the most important week of…

Breaking News/Featured

How to Get Your Partiful Numbers Up

by Eamon Costello

September 1, 2026September 2, 2026

One question looms as we enter the 2026-2027 academic year. Are you…

Fedvestigations/Food and Drink

1020 to Shut Its Doors Permanently

by Reza Shayesteh and Livy Molko

July 9, 2026July 9, 2026

Following over thirty years of service to the Morningside Heights and Columbia…

Featured

Nintendo Unveils Pokémon Literally-Just-Don’t-Kill-Yourself to Curb Growing Suicide Rate

by Anonymous

August 16, 2019August 17, 2021

“We at The Pokémon Company recognize out unique position as possibly the only organization able to mobilize people around the world to maintain basic functionality of their bodies. In today’s society, Pokémon…

Featured

Eight Steamy Sexts That Are Actually Just Quotes from Columbia Alumni

by Gustie Owens

July 12, 2019August 17, 2021

“Every journey starts with fear.” — Jake Gyllenhaal…

Featured

Op-Ed: Is this Company Hip Enough for me to go Braless?

by Annie Iezzi

July 12, 2019August 17, 2021

The list of cons is topped by, and consists exclusively of, the entrapment of my titties against the wind. Don’t we all deserve to feel that?…

Featured

Op-Ed: The Gays Ruined Rainbows

by Uncle Jebediah Forrester

June 14, 2019August 17, 2021

Y’all remember when rainbows were for finding pots of gold? I do.…

On Campus

EMOT Alert: Please Call Your Mother

by Garrison Grogan

May 11, 2019August 17, 2021

She is distraught that Joey has not responded to her calls for weeks about his care package and that nice girl from Bacchanal.…

On Campus

Guy Spends Extra 30 Seconds at Urinal to Prove Some Kind of Point

by Jaysen Zhang

May 7, 2019August 17, 2021

You can’t be emasculated by this guy. He’s got a ponytail, 1970s aviator glasses, and pink socks under his L. L. Bean boots.…

On Campus

Dante’s Infurnald

by Federalist Staff

May 2, 2019August 17, 2021

Sixth Floor: PART OF THE COLUMBIA CS CLUBSeventh Floor: PROFOUND AND EVERLASTING LONELINESSEighth Floor: WRITES FOR SPEC…

On Campus

Freshman Gets Lost Searching for Class in Hamilton, Stumbles into Eldritch Dimension

by Luis Vera

April 11, 2019August 17, 2021

“Now, the dipshit’s gone and pissed off Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods with the Thousand Young,” Core professor Ricardo Hernandez said.…

On Campus/PrezBo

After Ancestry.com Binge, President Bollinger Comes Out as One-Sixteenth Native American

by Anonymous

April 8, 2019April 24, 2023

In his concluding remarks, Bollinger made a surprising revelation: “I have been notified by my ancestors that all lands previously inhabited by the Lenape people have been granted to me, personally.”…

On Campus

In Effort to Compete with Other Women’s Colleges, Barnard Opens Admission to Students of All Gender Identities

by Mimi Evans

April 5, 2019August 17, 2021

Otis Wofford, CC ’22, expressed his discontent with the decision. “Women, men and gender non-conforming folks being a part of the same institution? The social justice warriors are out of control.” …

On Campus

After 143 Years in Print, The Columbia Spectator Will Be Shutting Down

by Julia Schreder

April 1, 2019August 17, 2021

At first we thought our challenges wouldn’t be insurmountable. We thought that with discipline, resolve, and a heavy dose of hard work, Spec would persevere. But then came the op-eds.…

On Campus

Sting Operation Uncovers Massive FroSci iClicker Ring

by Luis Vera

March 31, 2019August 17, 2021

“I’m told at one point, the quiz registered full attendance while only twelve students were in the room,” police chief Marcellus Johnson explained. “Something had to be done.”…

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