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Julia Schreder

World

“Gobble me, Swallow me,” said the Turkey on Thanksgiving

by Julia Schreder
November 27, 2020August 23, 2021

Above them all, the turkey levitated and settled itself into my outstretched arms. It was heavy and wet, but something about it just felt… right.…

On Campus

CLERY CRIME ALERT: James McShane is really, really, lonely

by Julia Schreder
July 29, 2020August 16, 2021

"As you know, I am the Vice President of Public Safety at Columbia. Unfortunately, my job has been incredibly boring these past few months. Everyone stuck at home means no crimes, and…

World

Mayor Pete to Return to his Comfortable Tom and Jerry Mouse Hole

by Julia Schreder and Garrison Grogan
March 2, 2020August 17, 2021

“Big city politicians may look down on a small town mayor, but every time I sneak into one of my resident’s kitchens in the middle of the night to grab a few…

Featured

Venmo Me for Blessing You With My Superior Presence

by Julia Schreder
November 15, 2019August 17, 2021

As you can surmise, our conversation today did not fit my stringent requirements. Therefore, I’ll be sending you an invoice over Venmo for taking up my time. The caption will read: “The…

On Campus

After 143 Years in Print, The Columbia Spectator Will Be Shutting Down

by Julia Schreder
April 1, 2019August 17, 2021

At first we thought our challenges wouldn’t be insurmountable. We thought that with discipline, resolve, and a heavy dose of hard work, Spec would persevere. But then came the op-eds.…

On Campus

Beto 2020: Finally a Columbia Rower You Can be Proud of

by Julia Schreder
March 14, 2019August 17, 2021

The news has been met with excitement from Columbia students, especially given that Beto acts as one of few pieces of living evidence that the Columbia Men’s Rowing Team can, in fact,…

On Campus

“Money Can’t Buy You Happiness,” Says Person Who Will be Poor

by Julia Schreder
December 3, 2018August 17, 2021

“Because I have integrity, because I have principles, I won’t be selling out anytime soon,” said a triumphant Emerson. “I’ll be out there in the trenches, living in a dumpy apartment in…

On Campus

Carlton Arms Falls into the Hudson River; Nobody Notices

by Julia Schreder
November 26, 2018August 17, 2021

“Three weeks went by, and not a word from anyone. Just yesterday I received an email from President Bollinger telling me to ‘keep up the great work!’”, said Columbia Housing Executive Director…

On Campus

Op-Ed: Buy Your Own God Damn Mini-Stapler, Lily

by Julia Schreder
April 5, 2018November 5, 2021

"You have the audacity to pull out your 10 page long CC paper and staple it as if you explicitly mean to torture me."…

Opinion/World

The Person Underneath the Canada Goose

by Julia Schreder
March 19, 2018November 5, 2021

You wear Goodwill; I wear Canada Goose. …

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