Happy Holidays! This is Santa, sending out a mass dispatch to all your little munchkins — naughty and nice — around the globe. We at the North Pole get a lot of…
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In a recent announcement this week, the Presidential Search Committee shared that…
Dear Professor [NAME], I hope this email finds you well. I, unfortunately,…
In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence…
Halloween weekend means it’s time to start the seasonal bender all over again, and in honor of the many clubs, bars, and parties we’ll frequent in skimpy and scandalous costumes, here’s a…
It was a courtesy invitation, and I hadn’t even sent it; Columbia did, without even checking if I wanted to see my parents again this soon. Last time my dad came to…
Following the never-ending search for a Columbia president, the Board of Trustees is proud to announce that the search is over! Hallelujah! “I was walking through campus at golden hour, thinking about…
After trick-or-treating wrapped up this October 31, kids across the country gathered around and dumped their pillow cases out on the carpet, eager to sort through their candies and take stock of…
Apparently this is going to get me “canceled” or whatever, but I’m not afraid. Yeah, I’ll admit it: I waited till my roommate was asleep, grabbed him by the ankle, opened the…
As Columbia’s flu season dies down, students now face a new threat to their 8:40 AM LitHum lecture. Several students have reached out to The Fed after witnessing a ghostly TA spirit…
When Sean Cena (CC ‘29) learned about Columbia College’s four-semester foreign language requirement, he felt stuck. “I wanted to actually learn something,” Cena told The Fed. It was the end of the…
Transmission loading… Hello, person receiving this. The year is 2094. The Earth’s second moon has disappeared behind the horizon, leaving behind a purple glow. I’m in one of the last available shelters…
HEY! Hey, you there! Don’t flip to the next page, WAIT! I’m Little Gregory, and I’m stuck inside The Fed’s printing press. I know, I know, from the rest of the paper,…
It’s no secret that Barnard’s very own President Rosenbury has been the subject (read: creator) of quite a few scandals. Faithful to her stifling approach to governance, her approach to free speech…
This week, it was announced from the Columbia College Student Council that, while budget cuts have made bouncy houses and fair games unattainable this autumn, they are still committed to making sure…
According to a tip from Public Safety employee Al Lydsikirity, the University’s campus-wide mask ban sure stirs up some trouble around Halloween. Al explained to The Fed that the policy was a…
