I, admittedly, once loved the feckless four floors Unfortunately, they’ve become an object I quite abhor There seems to be no way around it I now hate the trove of profound wit…
In an effort to reduce food waste, Columbia Dining announced that in the coming months they will be replacing all dining hall “hand fruit” with wax replicas. Bananas, apples, oranges—you name it,…
Chef Mike has always been a dominant player in Columbia Dining. Known for his longstanding commitment to family values and good subs, he turned heads across campus, extroverted, devilishly handsome, and everyone’s…
‘Twas the night before my midterm, when all through the floor The athletes were stirring, those terrible whores. Their mouths pierced the restful reading room with flair, In hopes that one and…
I _______________________ do hereby agree to be friends with __________________________. In signing this document, each friend agrees: *This rule does not apply when either party is intoxicated. x ____________________________________________ Ex-Turned-Friend One x…
There was a gland. I am that gland. I work all day, all night. A rueful life, I know I’m damned I’ve no hope of respite. Ev’ry wipe brings pitiful pain. I…
Which Chef Mike’s Sub are you? Choose a team to root for. Eagles Ferrari in F1 Miracle on Ice in 1980 New England Patriots Whatever the people around me are doing 🥺…
Dear Class of 2029, Congratulations on Your Admittance to the Most Brutalized Ivy League Student Body! While we looked at almost one hundred applications from all over the world [i.e, from one…
