In response to the December 5th, 2025 trespass on Barnard’s 616 residence hall, the CARES Community Safety team appointed a new Security Chief Alpha, 6’3 former-CEO Hugh G. Thruster. Recent survey reports…
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In the wake of myriad changes to the government and general functioning…
Following his unprecedented loss in the New York City mayoral election, Republican…
Can’t bear the lunchtime chaos? Skip the line and buy a table…
Do you know what’s in your breakfast? A concerning new study has revealed that the scrambled eggs served in Columbia and Barnard dining halls actually contain trace amounts of egg. The study…
After a long, warm autumn season, I was finally feeling ready for the winter cold to set in. I had always enjoyed bundling up in a cozy winter coat, walking around and…
Ever been polishing your pearl and thought, You know what would make this better? A little Ivy League spirit. Or maybe you’re rendezvousing with that special someone and suddenly wonder, Would my…
The sensible answer to whether you should or should not use a dating app in your hometown is ….. NO. However, The Fed is realistic. We know our readers are bored and…
Call me a crotchety old geezer if you like, but this newest generation is too soft. Ever since this latest “climate change” fad hit the streets, freshmen aren’t wiping out on the…
Inspired by and directly stolen from Robert Frost Two Canada Gooses diverged in a dorm closet, And sorry I could not wear both And be doubly-coated, long I stood And looked at…
Grandma got run over by Chef Mike Walking home from Uris Christmas Eve You can say he never meant to do it But as for all the students we believe She’d been…
On the twelfth day of winter break, my family gave me Twelve relatives questioning my degree Eleven laps around my boring hometown mall Ten local useless networking candidates to chat with Nine…
Since Donald Trump’s victory in the November 5th presidential election, Columbia’s campus has been shrouded by turmoil and widespread liberal dread. Many students are concerned about their own safety and security, as…
Every student to pass through these hallowed halls must come to the same realization: not that they’ve made the wrong choice to come to Columbia, nor that majoring in Poly Sci is…
With the announcement that Barnard will be $252 million in projected debt for its construction project, the college is scrambling to redistribute its funding and grow its endowment. Emails have been sent…
