It’s a recent phenomenon, Friendsgiving. Much like the famed and corporatized “Galentine’s Day,” Friendsgiving has become another holiday about celebrating your found family: getting together with your closest pals, cooking a hearty…
Move over NYPD, the trolls are here! In response to increasing political tensions on campus, the colleges of Columbia University have introduced a magical new system to regulate gate traffic. The regulation…
Diva down! A newly unearthed report reveals that in addition to Botox, Sephora, and OnlyFans, Representative George Santos used official campaign funds to sponsor the 2023 Barnard Big Sub Day. When questioned…
With the growing popularity of Columbia’s newest dining option, Fac Shack, Columbia dining legend Chef Mike recently decided to open up the ‘Chef Mike Bike’ right next door. Enraged by the number…
According to sources at Uris Library, seventeen different students were seen entering a private study room to claim it as their own. Reportedly, each student made a claim that they reserved it…
Barnard 600s dorms to limit toilet paper distribution due to increased suspicious mummy wrapping activity. Please be mindful of your surroundings near the toilet paper cabinet.…
Amidst all the ghouls, goblins, ghosts, and platform shoe-d frankensteins, exists your platform Doc Marten wearing girlfriend “Twas the night before Halloweekend, and all through campus, Not a creature was stirring, not…
DODGE HALL — This morning, President McBain Shafted announced the construction of a second gym for Columbia students to use. “We’re naming it Dodge,” she stated. “Yeah, we already have a gym…
When a crowd gathered around Low Steps on Wednesday to watch the once-in-a-decade inauguration of a new Columbia president, many were at first confused why she stood waiting in the wings. At…
Notorious misogynist and (even worse) Canadian Jordan Peterson is coming to campus and instead of telling you where or when you can find him speaking, I recommend you put that bigotry boner…
