“Actually, We Reserved This Room,” Say Seventeen Students Simultaneously

According to sources at Uris Library, seventeen different students were seen entering a private study room to claim it as their own. Reportedly, each student made a claim that they reserved it ‘this morning’ or even ‘a week ago.’

Lisa Michaelson (SEAS ‘24) showed an email for its reservation, though covering up the date with her thumb. “See, you can tell it’s my room. No, you can’t hold my phone, just trust me.”

Joshua Steal (CC 23) is reported to have been dragged out of Uris screaming after chaining himself to the desk. An – almost – successful attempt to assert his dominance and claim the room once and for all.

Erin Olam (SEAS 26) stated “I was walking to Uris for Mikes hot sub of the day – Sweet Honey Chicken  – when Public safety dragged Steal by. The desk ran over my foot.”

Zach Bondom (CC ‘26), the actual reservation-holder, neglected to comment, as he forgot he reserved a room at all.