Dining in tonight? Hey! You deaf son of a bitch! Stay behind the line!!…
Continue Reading »
After rows of College Walk trees were torn down last semester, the…
Fran Splant, CC ’29, was recently spotted wearing a sweatshirt with ‘It…
In the good news section for Freshman incels, high school loser Harry Smelton has been popping off the charts at rush events. After a few minor adjustments to his vocabulary, he quickly…
After a disappointing run-Win at the Ferris omelet bar (due to the lack of caviar selection), Hans Rainsford Rockefeller Carnegie IV stopped by Butler Library for a quick study session. Hans usually…
You’ve seen them. I’ve seen them. We’ve all seen them. Hair in sinks, drains, and spread across shower walls (sometimes in the shape of erotic graphics). RAs are tired of it. For…
This morning, the Office of the Secretary has announced that they’ve found Columbia’s next president. The catch: they aren’t born yet. Just hours ago, the Columbia trustees announced that they have been…
Happy Back 2 School Szn! For any freshies seeking advice or anyone who wants to elevate their campus steeze, stay locked in when you read this list. Amazon link is in my…
MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN: In a move being hailed as a triumph of efficiency, Columbia announced in a press release this morning that its Administrator-to-Student ratio has reached a historic 720:1. According to…
This week, the beloved Red Bull truck is facing competition from a new vehicle: the plusOne bus. On the corner of 114th and Broadway, students can now find a full-size shiny yellow…
So, you get to Barnard from your private high school class of 50 students who all knew each other. You go up to a group of students in NSOP, all fresh and…
With a Social Media Editor, Publisher, and many other similar-sounding roles at The Fed, people often wonder what I do. I like to consider myself a popular loner. I don’t choose what…
Last week, I found myself at the end of my rope. The excitement of my newly-finalized PoliSci minor was dampened by my inability to answer a cold call from former University President…
Final (and most important!) step: Never talk to them again and avoid eye contact in the elevator. Thankfully, your mom would love to do lunch!…
