In a recent joint announcement, the Michelin Company and Columbia Dining Services shared that JJs will be awarded a Michelin star. The award, usually reserved for the world’s finest restaurants, generated some…
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Though it feels quite chilly, spring sports are officially in full swing…
In a college-wide email yesterday, Barnard officials announced that they had completed…
In response to the illegal abduction of a student by the Department…
As an exciting new season approaches, beloved coffee chain Joe Coffee has decided to venture into innovative new corners of the coffee business. Instead of their usual winter menu items, they have…
We all know the infamous Butler Library architrave—engraved with the names of dead, white dudes who chiseled the literary canon and the “examination of the human condition” into what it is today,…
In a move intended to provide jobs to those most in need, mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani has announced that he will be hiring Republican nominee Curtis Sliwa as the city’s Crazy Uncle, and…
Santa Claus has recently been accused by United Elf Workers, one of the North Pole’s largest labor unions, of threatening to cut the wages and benefits of elves disseminating union related material…
On the 6th floor of Butler, not too far to the East or too far to the West, there’s a study room more special than all of the rest. 601, or Little…
More than 400 Columbia students enter the hallowed halls of Chef Mike’s each day. And at least one of them has asked, “where does my ham come from?” Well, with the launch…
For decades, the NORAD Santa Tracker has embodied the transparency and honesty of the United States government. Initially, I believed that the tracker’s democratic access to modern military technology, used to follow…
When I found a pair of wire-framed glasses on the floor of JJ’s last Thursday night, I knew I was about to deceive you bitches. When I pressed my thumb against those…
On the twelfth day of Christmas my situationship gave to me: Twelve IDs tapping, Eleven JJs nuggets, Ten football losses, Nine discussion posts, Eight Kingsmen singing, Seven frat parties, Six baddies fumbled,…
Another mystery of faith solved! Through divine revelation, God has delivered to Pope Leo XIV new Catholic doctrine: the true second coming of Christ is inside those dining hall vending machines, within…
With the holiday season quickly approaching, students and faculty alike are all getting ready to take a step back from work or school in order to have time with our loved ones…
In a shocking divulgence this Saturday, a man wearing exclusively clothing branded with the Columbia wrestling logo revealed that he indeed wrestles for Columbia. “I’m actually on the wrestling team,” said freshman…
