In a recent joint announcement, the Michelin Company and Columbia Dining Services shared that JJs will be awarded a Michelin star. The award, usually reserved for the world’s finest restaurants, generated some…
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Though it feels quite chilly, spring sports are officially in full swing…
In a college-wide email yesterday, Barnard officials announced that they had completed…
In response to the illegal abduction of a student by the Department…
Continuing their multi-year saga of controversial decisions, Columbia’s administration has recently announced that their famed merch store will, shockingly, continue to sell books. The store, which sprawls below the basement of Lerner…
I _______________________ do hereby agree to be friends with __________________________. In signing this document, each friend agrees: *This rule does not apply when either party is intoxicated. x ____________________________________________ Ex-Turned-Friend One x…
Carlton Arms Dormitory has been seeing a recent spike in false-alarm activation of the Fire Safety System due to what a Columbia Housing representative called a “better-safe-than-sorry” approach to triggering the alarm. …
Following the first snowfall of the semester, Barnard students have called a petition for the removal of an alleged snowman under the pretense of it being “too heteronormative.” Our sources show the…
Columbia junior Hugh Jaddict has quite the reputation, but it certainly isn’t due to his work ethic. That’s why his appearance in the Butler main silent reading room late last Saturday night…
This week, major firms including JPMorganChase, Goldman Sachs, and Morgan Stanley have begun their full-time hiring process for university students graduating in 2046. This move should come as no surprise, as students…
After dismounting from their camels and waiting in a gaggle of Barnard students, the three wise men finally reached the East Campus front desk. Fortunately, Joey, an EC resident, agreed to sign…
As of this morning, Columbia Safety has warned students about ICE on Columbia’s Morningside Campus. Students are advised to avoid their biting tactics such as tricking students in poorly lit places about…
As a child, I interpreted the novel From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler as my Bible and studied the Night at the Museum movie as if they were my…
In a new report coming out from the Columbia Economics Department, Professor Monet Talks demonstrates that the Lerner revolving door on 115th Street is a site of the prisoner’s dilemma, a cornerstone…
TRAGIC — A recent investigation by The Fed has revealed the emotionally devastating story of a Philadelphia-born Columbia student. This poor young man was left in a five-day lobotomized state of shock…
“Welcome to campus!” they say with a smile, taking off your coat as they roll out the red carpet. One member of the committee brings you a hot cup of coffee while…
